Karen
by SoulfullyInclined
Summary: Karen and her friends are in high school. Karen-centered. Anything that can go wrong does. I don't own anyone. *Life and quality of the story depends on the reviews*. *Please Leave More Than A 2 Word Review*. *Please Review*. *Be Nice/Kind*. Edited.
1. Sept 1

**Monday**

It was Monday morning on September 1, a warm fall morning. My friends Amanda, Natalie, Nancy, Hannah and I were looking up at and standing on the wide gray stone steps of Stoneybrook High, the redbrick school looming above us. We looked up at it. It was huge and right in front of and above us. People around us were filing into the school. We were right in the middle of the crowd, physically close to each other. The people were on either side, mainly students.

"Wow it's huge," Amanda said.

"I know," Natalie said.

"No use standing here we might as well go on in," Nancy said.

"I wonder if we'll see anyone we know," Hannah wondered as we went inside.

We went through a set of tall heavy wooden doors into a small narrow entryway and then through another set into the crowded hallway. The second set of doors had windows in them. Opposite the doors we'd just come through was a tall big wide white wall. Set in the wall were 2 sets of heavy tall wooden doors which led into a large room. The people in the hall went past us into it. We couldn't tell what was going on in the room due to all the people.

"I don't know," I said, answering Hannah's question

"Assembly in the auditorium," a tall young woman told us, breezing by.

"I'm guessing that's the auditorium," I said, referring to the room.

"Yes that's where the assembly is," Amanda said.

"Let's go on in," Natalie said.

"If we can," Nancy said.

We managed to all squeeze into the auditorium and into a row of uncomfortable wooden seats in the crowded room. We sat down. There were rows and rows of wooden seats in the big room, which was cold. The seating arrangement was Amanda, Natalie, Nancy, Hannah and myself with empty seats next to us.

"Hey, you dyed your hair," I said, looking at Hannah, whose dark brown hair was now black.

She was wearing a short sleeve yellow button up shirt and a black skirt.

"Yep, over the summer. Do you like it?"

"I love it."

"Oh look there's Pamela and her crowd," Amanda said, indicating them come in.

"But who are those other girls? I don't recognize them," Natalie said.

"Idinno she must've just met them this morning," Nancy said.

"Wow she moves fast," Hannah said.

"Yeah I know," I said.

We'd only just arrive and already Pamela and Leslie were meeting new people.

In the row in front of us, clear at the other end of the row, were sitting Bobby, Ricky and their crowd.

Pamela came in and sat down next to me and Leslie next to her. Sitting next to Leslie was a young woman with pale skin and straight red hair, then one with straight blonde hair, then one wearing a black leather jacket over her black camisole and black jeans. She smelled like musk and had bouncy, curly black hair.

Pamela and Leslie leaned forward, tapped Bobby and Ricky on the shoulders and started talking to them.

"Guess they're already taken," Amanda pointed out.

"Yeah," Natalie said.

"Apparently," Nancy put in.

It was well known that Pamela was a bit of a flirt. She'd flirt her way into a guy's heart. We were hoping to be able to date bobby and Ricky this year but couldn't, as Amanda'd pointed out.

After they were done talking, Pamela turned to me. Her long brown hair was down and she was wearing a sleeveless black dress.

"Hey Karen," she said.

"Glad you finally decided to join us," Leslie said.

"Um, well, we go to the same high school," Hannah said.

"And it's not as though we've anywhere else to go right now, seeing as this is an all school assembly," I said.

"Oh."

The redhaired young woman leaned towards me. She smelled of roses.

"Hey I'm Lauren," she told me.

"Karen," I said.

"And this is Christy and Max."

"This is Nancy, Natalie, Hannah and Amanda," I told her.

"Hi," the young woman with blonde hair said.

The one with dark hair nodded at me.

"Hey," she said.

Even sitting down I could see she was taller than most of us and a lot more developed.

Christy was wearing a light blue cardigan and a short white pleated skirt.

"Ohh look there's Brian," Lauren said.

She stood up.

"Hey Brian, over here," she said, waving a tall guy with dark hair and hazel eyes over.

He walked in and sat down in the seat in front of her.

"Hey Lauren," he said.

"Hi. This is Max, Christy, Pamela and Leslie."

"Hey," was all Max said.

Brian shook all of their hands.

"Wow he's so polite," Christy said.

"I know. Mmm and pretty good looking too," Max agreed.

"You know, I can hear you," Brian said.

"Oh right. So you can," Christy said.

Lauren turned to me.

"Brian's my older brother," she said.

"Oh. I have…4 brothers. And 2 sisters," i said

"Wow. I only have 1 younger sister."

"Oh."

"Yeah I'm in the middle."

"Hey, me too."

"So Brian," Max asked, leaning towards him.

He looked at her.

"Yes?" he asked.

"How old are you?"

We could tell Max was flirting, just as Pamela, Bobby, Leslie and Ricky were. We could tell this by their body language, the way they leaned forward, made eye contact and touched the guys.

My brother David Michael came in and sat by Ricky.

He turned and looked at me.

"Hi," he said.

"Hey," I said.

Brian looked at me, wondering how we knew each other.

"This is my brother David," I told him.

"Yeah, I know. He's in a couple of my classes," he answered.

"Oh. ok."

"We had a chance to talk before school, which is where we met," David informed me.

"Oh. ok."

"You remember my brother," I told Nancy.

"Yeah hi," she said.

"Hey."

"Hi," Hannah said.

"Hi."

David looked at me.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

He was asking this because after our last day of middle school last year I'd abruptly up and left, going to California. I'd left to get away from my other brother and stepfather who'd turned mean over my middle school years.

"Um, well..." I looked around the crowded auditorium wondering if we could talk at a different time and place than this.

I didn't want to talk about what'd happened right now.

"Lunchtime then?" he asked, taking the hint

"Yeah."

"Ok."

Brian looked at me, his hazel eyes asking what'd happened in reference to David's question.

"I really don't...know you well enough...to..." I said.

Tell him.

"Ok well I'm a great listener if, you, ever need one."

"Thanks."

"Mmhm."

The auditorium was filled with the sound of chatter.

On the stage a short, round, dark haired man, several women and 2 other men were standing. The stage was at the front of the big room.

"Exscuse me," the man said, speaking into a microphone he was holding.

"Exscuse me can I have your attention please?"

The chatter died down a bit.

"Thank you," he said.

"I'm Mr. Greenling, your principle. Welcome to Stoneybrook High."

"Well, now we know who the principle is," Amanda said.

He introduced the people standing onstage, most of them teachers. 3 were the school guidance counselor, school psychologist and assistant principle.

"Now before we go onto the fun stuff I have a few rules you need to follow," Mr. Greenling said.

The rules were as follows;

1: the dress code will be enforced

"Some of us already broke that one," Max said, smiling at Lauren.

"Yeah I know."

Lauren was wearing a red lace tube top, black leather mini skirt and black leather boots

.

2: your grades are important

3: hazing will not be tolerated

4: there won't be any alcohol, drugs or smoking

"We'll just see about that," Pamela said.

"Ohh I know," Leslie agreed.

"And yet they fail to mention cutting, but mention drugs and alcohol," Christy said.

"Cutting's not illegal dear," Pamela told her.

"I know."

"Cutting?" Nancy asked, wondering.

Christy pushed up the sleeve of her cardigan and showed Nancy several cuts she had on her arm, then pulled her sleeve back down.

"Oh," was all Nancy said.

"You do that all yourself?" Hannah asked, surprised.

Christy looked at her.

"Yeah. Obviously."

"Oh."

"And onto the fun stuff," Mr. Greenling said; "there'll be cheerleading and sports this year, of course, and also a school play. A pep rally at the end of each month brought to you by the cheerleaders and dance team. If anyone wants to join those or any other activities your homeroom teacher'll pass out packets with that information. She'll also give you your locker assignments, combinations and schedules."

We stood up, talking as we did so.

"Your first class homeroom?" Amanda asked me.

"Uh huh yours?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"I think everyone's is," Max said.

"Oh."

"What do you have after that?" Amanda asked.

"Math then english then lunch."

"Oh. See you at lunch then?"

"Yeah."

My new schedule read as follows:

8 – 9 a.m.: homeroom

9 – 10 a.m.: math

10 – 11 a.m.: English

11 a.m. – 1 p.m.: lunch

1 – 2 p.m.: science

2 - 3 p.m.: film history

3 – 4 p.m.: psychology

4 – 6 p.m: dance

Instead of gym I had dance.

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	2. Exposure

_It's been awhile since I've read Twlight so I don't recall what all happened._

* * *

It was after the assembly. I was walking through the crowded hallways, my white paper schedule in my hands, looking down at it and up at the numbered signs next to each classroom. Then back down at my schedule, trying to find my homeroom. I bumped into someone. 2 someones, rather. I groaned.

"Oh I'm so sorry," I said.

"It's perfectly alrite. My apologies," a deep, smooth male voice said.

"Will you tell us...?" a lighter, female voice said.

I looked up, and saw a tall, well toned guy in a gray wool coat, with his arm around a raven haired young woman about my height. They were both pale, his hair was dark. She was wearing a long dark wool coat over black pants.

"H...hi," I said, blinking, taking in how modelesque the guy was. Distracted.

"Is everyone like this here?" the young woman asked, referring to my staring.

I didn't want to be rude so I said nothing, even though the guy was one of the most, if not _the,_ most good looking I'd ever seen. There was something in his amber eyes that drew you in, and told you he was older than his chronological age...and also, that he was dangerous.

"I've grown accustomed to it. I don't know being that this is only our first day," the guy said, answering her.

Being that good looking you'd get used to people staring at you. He was wondering if everyone at the high school stared like I just had.

"Um were you looking for something?" I asked, recovering.

"Oh. Yes. Will you tell us how to get to room 114?" the young woman asked.

"I'm trying to find that myself...actually."

"Oh."

"I'm Karen, by the way," I introduced.

"I'm Edward," the guy said.

"Edward. Oh. How very...formal."

He smiled slowly.

"And I'm Bella," the young woman said.

"Nice to meet you."

"And you, as well," Edward said.

We approached the room we'd been looking for.

"And here we are," I said.

"Ladies first," Edward said, holding the tall heavy wooden door open.

"Edward, there you are!" we heard a thin, wispy voice called.

Bella looked up at Edward, asking with her eyes if it was ok if she went in without him.

"Go on in Bella, I won't be but a moment," he replied.

"Ok," she breathed.

"So, where you from?" I asked, as she followed me in.

"Oh, well originally, Phoenix. Then I moved to Washington state, where my dad lives. That was where I met Edward and his family, all 6 of them. My mom lives down in Florida with my stepdad."

"Oh wow. I have 6 in my family...well, 10, actually. My parents divorced and then remarried."

"Mmhmm. Yeah, I meant including his parents."

"Oh."

"They sort of adopted me into their family."

"Oh. Then what are you doing all the way here?" I asked.

"Well we...thought it the safest-"

Edward appeared - there wasn't any other way to describe it other than to say he appeared - at Bella's side.

"Wow that was quick," I commented, about the quickness of his entering the room.

"Oh, you'll get used to that. We certainly have," the thin, wispy voice said, referring to how quickly he'd arrived.

I looked up and saw a thin, pale young woman with huge eyes and short, feathery, dark hair standing by Edward. She was wearing a short sleeve button up blue shirt and black pants.

"Hi I'm Alice," she told me.

"Oh. I'm Karen."

"I was just telling Karen..." Bella told Edward.

"Not too much I hope."

"No, of course not. Sit down."

Just as quickly Edward was sitting by us. Clearly there was something they didn't want me to know. I'd yet to find out what.

"Bella is that...short for something?" I asked.

"Isabella, actually," she answered.

"Swan, Isabella Swan," Alice stated.

"Oh. Swan...like..."

Bella smiled: "Like a swan, yes."

Edward looked away, to a tall guy with long blond hair.

Edward stiffened. Alice, Bella and I noticed.

"What is he doing here?" Edward asked, indicating he didn't like the guy and that he wasn't supposed to be here which Edward was surprised by.

"Edward, not now," Alice warned.

Bella looked at him.

"No, don't," she told him.

Apparently, from this remark, he was going to do something she didn't approve of.

Edward looked at me.

"Excuse me," he said, getting up.

"Yes, of course," I said.

He left. I wondered what was going on.

"Bella," I said.

She looked at me.

"Hm, yes?" she asked.

"If you're looking for somewhere safe...this isn't it."

I was referring to the fact I'd lost my sense of safety here in middle school.

"From what we've heard it might be the safest yet. Up untill just now, that is."

"Oh. you have very large eyes...er..I'm sorry," I told Alice, just now noticing this feature.

I wasn't sure how she'd take this which was why I apologised.

She smiled.

"It's quite alrite."

"Edie Sedgwick eyes..." I mused.

This because Edie Sedgwick also had large brown eyes. Teacup eyes.

"So I've heard. And thank you."

"Mmmhmm."

I looked down at the white tile floor, dotted with tiny black dots. I was soon thrown back into that night...that event, that happened so many times...myself and both the men that I now despised.

"Oh god," I whispered.

tears started falling.

Bella was looking up at me.

"Are...are you ok?" she asked me.

I looked up, shocked.

"I'm so sorry I don't usually...it can..."

Break like this it can strike at any time.

"It's ok," Alice said.

She stared straight ahead. At what, I didn't know.

"What is it?" Bella's eyes went to Alice.

"Oh Karen," Alice looked at me, her huge eyes filled with sympathy.

She knew and I felt somehow exposed.

My eyes fell to a large, red, crescent moon scar on Bella's hand.

"Oh," and then back up to her face; "are you...did you...?"

I wasn't sure how to begin my question. I was wondering if she cut.

Something came across her face.

"No, I, exscuse me I...I have to go," she told me, standing up.

Alice stood up as well.

"It was very nice meeting you," she said.

"Yes, you as well."

They left.

Max, Leslie, Pamela, Nancy, Hannah, Natalie, Druscilla, Amanda and Lauren came into the room and sat down beside me. I knew Amanda and Druscilla from elementary school.

"What was that about?" Max wanted to know.

"Um, nothing," I said.

"Oh. Ok."

Pamela looked at me, telling me with her eyes that I didn't sound entirely convinced.

'I'll be fine,' I mouthed.

'Ok,' she mouthed back.

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	3. Lunch

Finally, it was lunchtime. Students were filing out of classes, quickly crowding the hallway. Max looked at me as we left class.

"Hey wanna have lunch with us?" she asked as we were walking out.

"No I've ...already made plans."

"Oh ok, later then."

"Yeah see you."

She went off.

"Karen!" I heard a male voice call.

I looked up and saw David Michael and Brian walking down the hall towards me, talking. They were the same height, a few inches taller than i. David had light brown hair and eyes. David told Brian something and he nodded, then went his seperate way.

David and I walked towards each other, joining in the middle.

"Hi how'd it go?" he asked, looking at me.

I looked at him: "Hi, ok, you?"

"Same."

"Oh."

We started walking down the hall.

"So, back to my original question," he said when we'd reached the set of big gray metal double doors at the end of the hallway.

"Yeah?" I asked, pushing one open.

"How, are you doing?"

He pushed the door in front of him open as well.

"Well . . ." I began hesitantly.

He looked at me; "yes?"

"I nearly freaked in homeroom."

"Oh jeez Karen what happened?" he asked.

We walked out into the warm sunlight.

"It came on suddenly...with Andrew and...and...you...you know," I said, trying to gain control of my voice.

Despite the warmth I was shivering.

"Come. Let's sit down somewhere..." David looked around; "quiet."

We walked past groups of people already sitting on the big lawn of the school, all shouting my name.

"I, I'm sorry, I can't...they..." I said.

Know.

"I know," David said, slowly reaching out his hand, asking.

I shook my head. He pulled his hand back towards him.

"I know," he repeated, understanding.

We went across the lawn, street and into the park. Edward, Alice and Bella were sitting in the shade of a large tree.

"Karen!" I heard Alice call.

I shook my head.

"Come, join us," she waved us over.

"No, not today," David called back while my head was still lowered.

"Oh ok."

We walked past them and further into the park. As we passed them, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a thin young woman who with long blonde hair flowing down her back, a tall dark haired guy built like a football player and a tall thin guy with longer lighter hair; they were all sitting in the shade of the tree, talking. The woman was wearing a long silver dress.

Once David and I were in the park and not many people were within hearing range, we sat down.

"Did you bring lunch?" David asked, not really expecting an answer.

I shook my head my long blonde hair falling.

"No."

"Oh. Well, do you want any of mine?"

"No...no."

Ever since I'd lost my sense of safety due to my other brother and stepfather, I hadn't had much of an appetite.

"Ok," David replied.

He unwrapped his lunch, which was a peanut butter and banana sandwich, a coke and 2 chocolate chip cookies.

"So," he asked, looking at me.

"Yeah?" I asked, looking at him.

"What exactly happened earlier today?"

"Oh that."

"Yes, Karen. That."

"Well, for some odd reason, I went back to their hands...Andrew's and and...they were so. Big. You know how much they loved my hair."

Retelling him this made me a little upset.

"Yeah. I do. They've been banned, Karen," David reminded me.

"Yeah from the state. Not from the country," I countered.

"Oh, and that scares...you..."

"Scares me, yes."

It'd scared me when it happened, and still did.

"Wow."

"Yeah I know."

"What else happened this morning?" David asked.

"I met 3 new students."

"Oh?"

"Yes."

By this time David was eating his sandwich.

"Bella, Edward and Alice."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I think they're in my homeroom."

"Yeah I think Brian and Edward are in a few of my classes, as well as Jasper," David told me.

"Oh."

"Is that them sitting over there?" David asked, indicating the people under the tree.

"Yeah that's them."

"Thought so."

"Have a lot of homework?" I asked.

"Yeah, some. You?" he asked.

"No, not yet. But it's only lunchtime so we'll see."

We'd see how much the both of us acquired by the end of the day.

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	4. Math

It was after lunch was now time for math. I was sitting by myself at a round wood table in the math room. Brian came in and sat down next to me.

"Hey Karen," he said

"Oh. Hi."

"How are you?" he asked.

"Um..."

Something in Brian's hazel eyes told me I could trust him. I was going to tell him I was fine until I saw that. I was used to being 'fine'.

"I don't know," I continued.

"Oh?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"I know it may be none of my business but, um, are you ok? "

"Um well honestly no, I'm not."

"Did something...happen?"

"Yeah. It did."

"Oh, what?"

"It happened several times. My brother and stepfather have turned mean...I've lost my sense of safety. That's all I'm comfortable with right now."

"That's ok."

"Yeah. I've never really talked about it."

"Of course not. Who else knows?"

"Well, David."

"Oh."

"And now you, I guess. And apparently Alice."

"Mmmm."

Brian's younger sister Lauren came over.

"Hey guys what's goin on?" she asked.

Brian turned to her.

"Oh we were just talking."

"Oh. What about?"

"It's, kinda personal."

"Oh. Ok."

We waited for the teacher to come in.

'thanks', I mouthed to Brian.

He smiled.

'sure', he mouthed back.

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	5. Science

It was after lunch, science class. I was sitting at a round wood table; some students were already in the classroom while others were filing in. The weather hadn't changed much since this morning. Edward and Bella came in, along with the thin guy with longer hair I'd seen at lunch.

Bella sat right next to me, with Edward next to her and the guy on the other side of me. He was pale and had good posture. He was wearing long sleeves.

"Hey Karen," Bella said.

"Hi," I replied.

"Hello," Edward said slowly.

"Hey Edward," I said.

The guy on the other side of me looked at me.

"Hi. I'm Jasper," he said.

He stuck out his hand.

"Hi. I'm..." I said.

"Karen, yes I already know."

"Oh. Ok."

We shook hands. His was cold. I wondered how he knew who I was.

"Nice to make your acquaintance Karen," Jasper told me.

"Um and you, as well."

"Wow. You 2," I said, pointing and looking at Edward and Jasper, "are very polite."

"That they are," Bella told me.

"Thank you," Jasper said.

"You're welcome."

"Where are you from?" he asked.

"Here."

"Oh."

"And you?"


	6. Dance

It was after school, 3 p.m. I was sitting on the uncomfortable floor in the large gym, waiting for dance rehearsal to begin. Lauren, Max and Christy were there as well.

"Hey girl," Max said, approaching me.

"Hey," I said.

Lauren and Christy sat down next to me.

A young woman with long brown hair was sitting on the floor on the other side of Max, her legs folded under her. She was wearing red pants and a big white sweatshirt with 'Lila' scrawled across the front in thin red cursive.

"Hi," she said when she saw me; "I'm Lila. I just moved here. From California."

"Hi I'm Karen. From here."

"Nice meeting you."

"Mmmhmm you too."

"God this floor is really uncomfortable to sit on," a thin blonde young woman said.

She was wearing a long black dress. She seemed annoyed by this fact the uncomfortablness of the floor.

Lila looked at her.

"How much have you had to eat today Anna?" she asked her.

"Not a lot. It's really cold in here. And you?"

"I haven't even had dinner yet."

"Oh."

I wondered what exactly was going on.

"That's Anna, by the way," Lila told me.

"Yeah, I figured as much," I returned.

"I didn't expect you to be here," Max told me.

"Oh?" I asked.

"Yeah, you didn't seem the type…Pamela informed us last year you were a cheerleader and this year…"

"Yeah well. I decided I needed a little change."

"Oh ok. Glad you showed."

I didn't seem the type who'd show for dance when I'd never shown last year but instead had gone to cheerleading even though cheerleading was a combination of both dance and gymnastic.

"Where are you from?" I asked.

"New York, originally. Moved here with my sister and my drunk off her bloody ass mom."

I stared at her, shocked by her outright profanity.

"Sorry," she apologized; "I'm very to-the-point as you'll find out, or maybe already have."

"Oh. My stepsister has a friend from New York."

"Oh yeah maybe I know her. The friend, that is. What's her name?"

"Stacey."

"Hmmmm I'll ask Cassandra later today when and if I see her."

"Cassandra?"

"My sister. She's older."

"Oh. If?" I asked.

"Yeah. She comes and goes in and out as she pleases. Sometimes I don't see her for days at a time."

"Oh. What does she do?"

"She's a well, um…..she's a prostitute."

"Um, a what?"

"A prostitute," Max said casually.

"Omygod."

I was surprised.

"You wanna come over later? You too Lauren," she asked us.

"Sure ok," I replied.

"Sounds great," Lauren said.

Pamela walked into the room.

"Hey girl," Max said when Pamela came in.

"Hey," Pamela said, sitting down on the floor next to us.

She turned to Max; "I'm going to the mall later tonight you wanna come?"

"Oh we'd love to but Lauren, Karen and I are going to my place for a bit," Max answered.

"Oh, well, that actually works out perfectly. Cuz you could come and meet me at the mall after."

"Oh ok," Lauren said.

Pamela peered at me.  
"Weren't you a cheerleader?" she asked me.

"Yeah, that was last year. Not now. In high school. And, I got contacts."

"Mmm I noticed. You look…different. Besides that. You could join us, Karen."

"I I thought I already was. I mean…I am."

"No, I mean our group."

"Oh."

The dance teacher walked into a room in a long black skirt and black leotard, her dark hair in a bun at the nape of her neck. She sat down in the metal chair in front of us.

"Hello," she said.

We looked up at her expectently.

"My name is Maria Sanchez and I'll be teaching you dance."

The door to the gym opened and we all looked toward it. Alice came in to the gym.

"Hi everyone sorry I'm late I had to take care of something," she apologised.

"That's alrite close the door behind you and come join us," Miss Sanchez told her.

Alice closed the door, walked across the gym and sat by me. I noticed she was wearing silver flats.

Miss Sanchez looked at Alice.

"and who might you be dear?" she asked.

"Oh I'm Alice."

Miss Sanchez lifted up a few white sheets of paper attached to her clipboard.

"Alice . . .Alice what, dear?" she muttered.

"Cullen, Alice Cullen."

"Mmhmm. Yes, you're here. New student?"

"Yes."

Miss Sanchez flipped her papers back down and looked at Alice.

"Well, welcome," she said.

"Thank you."

"I like your flats," I told Alice; "they're cute."

She smiled.

"Thanks," she replied.

"This year in dance we'll be learning dances for the pep rallies at the end of each month and for the 3 dance recitals; one in fall, one in winter and one in spring. How many of you have previous dance training?" she asked.

A bunch of us raised our hands.

"Ok great then."


	7. The Mall

It was 7 p.m. a few hours later. Pamela, Leslie, Lauren, Christy, Max and I were sitting at a square table in the mall food court. Other people were sitting at the tables around us.

"Karen," Pamela said.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"First, before we let you into our group, you'll need to go through initiation."

"Ohk…" I said.

"And that is today," Leslie informed me.

"Oh, um, when?"

"Right now. Actually it'll be in a few minutes," Lauren said.

"Alrite now what do I have to do?" I asked.

"What you have to do is…you have to go into that store," Pamela said, pointing to a nearby store; "and get some make up for us."

"Ok sounds easy enough. Let me get out my wallet…."

Max laughed; "oh god wow."

Christy reached over and put her hand on the table.

She looked at me; "no dear believe us you won't be needing that."

"But how am I supposed to pay for it?" I asked.

"That's the entire point. You're not," Max said.

"Oh wow."

I was surprised.

"You don't pay for things when you shoplift them," Pamela said.

"Oh god."

"That is exactly the reason they call it shoplifting," Leslie said.

"And whatever you do, don't get caught," Lauren told me.

"Also, don't look suspicious," Christy said.

"But, won't that be hard? I mean, not to?" I asked.

Max smiled; "not if you're not a fantastic actress it won't."

They'd obviously had experience.

"Now go. Do it. Now," Pamela said.

I stood up.

"Leave your wallet here hun," Leslie said.

I put my wallet on the table and took my purse with me.

I went into the store and walked casually around for a few minutes. I then found several bins near the back loaded with various makeup items. I picked up and dropped several tubes of mascara, lip gloss, lipstick, liquid eyeliner and eye shadow into my opened, unzipped purse and zipped it closed. I walked around the store casually, before walking out and joining the group at the table. I opened my purse and dumped the itesm onto the table.

"Now what?" I asked.

"That was just a test run to see if you _could_ shoplift," Lauren told me.

"Now we want you to go, and you see that woman sitting over there?" Christy asked.

She pointed to a dark haired woman sitting by herself with a small brown purse on the table in front of her.

"Go and take the money out of her wallet."

"Idinno I mean taking someone's money…." I said, unsure.

"Do you or don't you want to be a part of us?" Max asked, threatening.

"I do."

"Then you'll take the money," Pamela decided.

"But wait until she gets up and goes to the bathroom," Leslie said.

"We've been watching her for awhile and we know that she doesn't usually take her purse with her," Lauren told me.

After a few minutes, the woman stood up and went into the bathroom, leaving her purse, as they'd predicted, on the table.

"Now go go go go go quick before she comes back," Christy said quickly.

I stood up, went over to the woman's purse, opened it, unzipped her wallet, took the money out of it, zipped it closed and came back to the group, putting the money in my purse.

Max and the others were standing when I arrived.

"Um, what are you doing?" I asked.

"We need to leave before she finds out who did it," Max answered.

"Oh yeah. Right."

We walked around the mall until we spotted Claire's which we went into, scattering off in different directions inside the small, crowded store. The manager was watching one of her employees pierce the ears of a little girl, 2 of the employees were at the cash register which had a long line and the rest were helping customers.

Pamela walked over to me, a chunky black bracelet on her arm.

"What do you think?" she asked, showing it to me.

"I like it you should get it."

"Oh, should I?"

"Uh huh."

"It was, rhetorical," she told me.

"Oh."

She slipped it into her pocket and walked away.

I took several gold bangle bracelets off the rack and slipped them into my pocket.

Leslie came over.

"Hi Karen," she said.

"Hi," I said.

"I'm ready to go," she told me.

"Yeah me too," I said.

"Ok let's go," she agreed.

Lauren joined us.

"Move on out," she said.

We were very soon joined by Christy and Max. We left the store heading down the mall.

"I saw a lady coming over to you so I told Leslie to go and tell you we were leaving," Christy said.

"Thanks," I said.

"Uh huh."

We soon entered a large, white clothing store also scattering off in different directions. I picked up a black leather mini skirt and 3 tank tops; black, purple and Kelly green. I went into the dressing room and stuffed them into my purse, making sure there weren't any security tags on them, which there weren't. Outside the dressing room I heard the others talking to the salespeople, distracting them. We left the store and once again headed down the mall.

"Let's go get some food I'm hungry," Max suggested.

"Yeah me too, actually," Pamela said.

"Uh huh," Leslie said.

"As am I," Lauren said.

"You guys go ahead I'll be there in a few," Pamela told us.

"Me too," Christy said.

"Ok we will," Leslie told them.

We walked to the food court and to Sbarro's where ordered pasta, cake, breadsticks and beverages which Max paid for. We went and sat down at a red leather booth.

We were eating, when, a few minutes later, Pamela and Christy came back. Pamela was wearing a new, long, black leather coat which she took off and gave to me.

"Um, this is yours," I said.

"No, it isn't. It's for you since you passed your initiation," she answered.

"Aww thanks," I said.

"Mmhmm."

"I'll drink to that," Leslie said.

I looked at her, surprised.

"Er I would but we're in public. At the mall."

"Eight," Lauren said.

"I'm hungry where's the food?" Pamela asked.

"Behind you," Christy said.

"Oh. Right. Knew that."

We laughed.

Max reached into her small black leather purse and pulled out 2 20s.

"Here," she said handing it to Pamela; "it's on me. Well, Cassandra, actually."

"Thanks," Pamela said.

"Uh uh."

"You want me to pay you back or….?"

"No, no keep the change. Cassandra makes, like, $200 a night, doing what she does."

"Oh right so she does. Ok I'll be back in a bit."

Pamela walked away to get her dinner.

"She's so cute," Leslie said.

"I know she really is," Lauren agreed.

A few minutes later Pamela came and slid into our booth, on her tray the same thing we'd ordered.

"Welcome back," Christy told her.

Pamela smiled; "thank you. And once again, Max, thank you."

"Oh it's not a problem dear not at all."

"You drink?" I asked Leslie.

"Oh yeah we all do."

"Oh."

"So what'd you get?" Lauren asked.

"Besides the makeup, that is," Christy said.

"I got gold bangle bracelets, a black mini skirt and 3 ribbed tank tops; black, purple and Kelly green."

"Oooh awsumness," Max said.

I smiled.

"Oh, and the coat," Pamela said.

"Yes, from you," Leslie said.

"You see Karen, excluding Leslie and Pamela, we all had to shoplift for initiation….me, Christy, Max…." Lauren told me.

"Oh," I said.

"And now you," Christy added.

"But for me it wasn't all that hard cuz back in New York I did it a lot," Max said.

Lila and Anna walked over and stood in front of our booth.

"Hi mind if we squeeze in?" Lila asked.

"Which we could prolly do anyway considering our size," Anna added.

"No course not," Pamela said.

Lila and Anna sat down on either side of us.


	8. Chapter 8

It was 9 p.m. We were at Pamela's, in the big foyer. In front of us was the long hallway that led into the black and white kitchen. The ceiling was high and white, the walls were also white. To the left of us was a big white staircase.

"Wow this is a huge house," I said.

"Yeah I know."

"Pamela dear," a light female voice called.

Pamela looked at the ceiling and sighed.

"Coming mother," she called.

"I, better come with her," Leslie said, looking at us.

"Yeah sure ok," Christy said.

Leslie left, as did Pamela.

She and Pamela had been friends since elementary school, while they'd been friends with Christy since middle school and Lauren since high school.

"You guys want dinner?" a male voice said from the white couch.

I nearly jumped.

"Oh, my god," I said, startled.

Lauren peered at me.

"You ok there?" she asked.

"Yeah sorry. I startle easily."

"Oh. Ok. It happens."

"So, do you?" the voice asked.

We looked and saw a tall, well toned guy, with dark, spiky hair sitting on the couch, his arms outstretched across the top of the large rectangular white cushions.

"No Ryan we're ok," Lauren said.

"Alrite. Hey, you," the guy said to me.

I looked at him.

"Yeah, you. C'mere gorgeous."

"You know, Ryan . . ." Lauren said.

He looked at her.

"No hun I don't want you. I want, her," he told her.

_flashback to that night.....to all the nights. When they told me they wanted me._

I turned and walked quickly to the tall white wooden door. When I got there, I attempted, unsuccessfully, to unlock it.

"Fuk," I muttered; "How the hell do you open this?"

I heard footsteps walk over to me.

"You have to use the key hun," Lauren told me.

"Don't touch me Lauren."

"What, I...? Are you ok?"

"Don't even come near me."

"Karen," she said, looking at me; "I need to unlock the door."

I stepped back.

Christy approached me.

"Karen, honey, where are you going? Do you have some place safe?" she asked.

"Yeah I'll . . . I'll be fine."

Lauren unlocked the door and I quickly ran past her.

"Scuse me," I said.

I ran into the dark, cold night, having absolutely no idea where I was going.

"Karen! Wait!"

Pamela's voice was the last thing I heard.


	9. Car

I saw headlights in the darkness and started to run, my feet pounding the ground below me. I heard the car drive up behind me and gripped my keys in my pocket. The car slowed down.

"Karen," a voice called.

_Oh god_, I thought. _What the hell do I do?_

I was panicked.

"Karen, it's ok. It's me," the voice said.

Well I didn't know who _me_ was. It could've been that Ryan guy for all I know. I was scared of him and most guys because of what id been through.

"Karen," the voice said; "it's Brian."

I turned around and saw Brian drive up in a red cadillac. I rushed to the car. I leaned forward into the car, over the rim of the passenger side window.

"Hey," Brian said.

"Oh thank god," I said; "can I...will you...?..."

I could barely get the words out I was so out of breath.

I was asking if I could get in the car.

Brian nodded; "yeah sure. Climb in door's already open."

He leaned over and opened the door for me. I slid into the front seat, closed the door and put my seatbelt on.

Brian looked at me, his hands on the wheel.

"Where do you wanna go?" he asked me, steadily.

"I idinno I don't care. Somewhere safe. Warm. A...away...from..."

"Karen, take a breath, ok?"

I nodded, tears streaming down my face.

Away from here.

"There's...there's someone in there," I said.

"Yes, ok. Go on."

"He..."

"Ryan?" Brian asked.

I looked at him, taken by surprise.

"Huh?" I said.

"Is his name Ryan, by any chance?"

"Um yeah yeah it...it is. How'd, how'd you know?"

"I, um, know him. He's an acquaintance."

"Yeah he doesn't seem very nice."

"Well you're right Karen. He's not. There are tissues in the glove compartment by the way."

"Ok."

I wondered how Brian knew this about Ryan.

I reached forward and tried to unlock it.

"You have to turn the thing. Um, knob," Brian told me.

I nodded; "right."

"So where do you wanna go? My house?"

"Yeah actuaully. Hey, do me a favor?"

"Uh huh sure Karen anything. What is it?" Brian asked, hands on the wheel, staring straight ahead.

"Call Edward for me would you? He looks strong and..."

Maybe he'll be able to keep Ryan away from me.

"Ok."

Brian pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and flipped it open.

"Edward?" he asked, then; "yeah uh huh. Sure Alice I'll wait. Well, she's..."

I looked at Brian.

'What?' I mouthed

'It's Alice,' he mouthed back

'Yes I know that.'

'She wants to know how you're doing.'

'Oh. Well don't tell her...'

'Too much. Yeah I know. I won't.'

'Ok. Good.'

"Oh she's...not doin so well. Um, it's kinda personal, actually," Brian told Alice.

We waited.

"Hey, Edward? Hey it's...oh. Right. So she did. Hey listen, you know Ryan?...ok well would you mind...ok great, thanks."

Brian closed the phone, hanging up.

"Oh-k he's gonna take care of it," Brian told me.

"Ok. Hey are the doors locked?" I asked.

Brian pushed a button and I heard the doors click.

"Sorry i just...sorry," i apologised.

"Paranoid?" Brian asked.

I nodded; "yeah."

"Hey I don't trust Ryan either, Karen. You're not the only one. And after what, um, happened...to...you...you, have the right to be as,"

"Paranoid," I put in.

"Yeah, as _paranoid_ as you are."

"Oh."

"Oh, just so you know," Brian said.

I looked at him.

"Yeah?"

"Your brother's at my place but he's up in my room, so he'll be out of the way."

"Oh ok."

"Unless...you _want_ him to be there."

"Um I'm not sure."

"Ok."


	10. David

I walked from the kitchen and into the living room, where I stopped.

"Hey do you know where Brian's room is?" I asked Brian's Aunt Linda.

"Yeah honey it's upstairs."

She was sitting in the chair opposite the front door. She was blonde and thin in blue her hair medium length.

"Well yes Linda I know that now. But where?"

"Oh. Second door on the right, right next to the bathroom."

"Ok thanks."

"You're welcome."

I continued across the living room, up the stairs and down the hall to the second door on the right, on which I knocked. The door was wood.

"Mmf yeah?" I heard my brother call from inside.

"It's me," I said.

"Ok come on in."

I heard soft footsteps walking across the carpet then the door opened and a young woman who looked like Lauren stood there in the doorway.

"Oh heeyyy honey you must be Karen come on in join us," she told me.

"Us?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"David and I."

"Um David's...he's..."

"Mmm incredibly good looking?"

"Well I was going to say he's my brother."

"Oh, well, there isn't any reason you can't join us then."

"Don't you get it, um," I suddenly realised I didn't know her name.

"Renee," she filled in.

"Right, Renee. Don't you get it. He's. My. Brother."

"And?" now it was her turn to lift an eyebrow.

I saw David looking at me.

"Karen, hey, come on in," he said.

"Ok if um," I said.

Renee leaves.

"Yeah sure. Renee honey ya mind?" he asked.

She turned to look at him.

"oh no course not. Scuse me," Renee said, pushing past me.

She smelled of musk.

She went downstairs, leaving the door open. I went in and sat next to David on the bed.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi um who was that?" I asked.

"That, was Renee," David told me.

"Yes, I know that. She just told me that, David."

"Oh."

"Are you like involved or...?"

"Yeah kind of."

I stood up; "kind of? How can you be _kind of_ involved with someone? You either are or you aren't."

David looked up at me.

"Whoa. Karen. You ok?"

"David," I said, my head tilted, "you know I'm not. And you, of all people, know I haven't been since..."

"That?"

"Yes. That."

I sat down on the bed.

"So I was over at Pamela's," I began.

David looked at me; "mmhmm yeah."

"And, you know Ryan?"

"Oh yes I know Ryan. Karen, _everyone_ knows Ryan."

"Uh huh Ok, well he was in the living room when I was over there and..."

"Oh jeez. He didn't..."

"Well no he didn't do anything but he...said..."

"Something?"

"Yeah, something."

"What'd he say?"

"Same thing Andrew and..."

"Oh. Wow. I'm so sorry. You want me to go over there and...idinno..." David asked.

I shook my head; "no no Edward's already over there."

"Oh. Ok."

"Oh, by the way, Brian's making pasta. I don't know if it's just for me...but um, when I go down there again I'll ask."

"Ok."

"Hey did you know that Linda's here?"

"Uh, Linda? Who's Linda?"

"Brian's aunt," I informed him.

"Oh her."

"So you've met?"

"Yes briefly."

"Oh. You know, Renee looks a lot like..."

"Lauren."

"Yeah, her."

"That she does."


	11. Kitchen

I walked downstairs into the kitchen. A pot of water was on the stove.

"Hey," Brian said, looking up when I entered.

"Hey."

"Would you like anything to drink? We have sprite, orange juice, wine, beer, milk, tea, coffee, hot chocolate..." he rattled off.

"Wow," I said, pulling out a chair from the kitchen table and sitting.

"Yeah well."

"Um I could go for some comfort."

"Ok . . ."

"Hot chocolate."

"Ok great."

There was already a packet of hot chocolate and a cup on the counter. I started to get up.

"Oh don't get up I'll get it," Brian told me.

I sat back down.

"Oh ok. Wow that's really nice of you."

"Well, I want you to be comfortable here."

He opened the packet, poured it into the cup, filled it with water and put it in the microwave.

"Oh. I'm just so used to having to do everything myself."

"Oh."

"How long will the pasta be?"

"About 30 minutes."

"Ok. Hey who's Renee?"

"Uh, who?"

"Renee," I repeated.

"Oh. Friend of Lauren's. They're involved."

"Oh but um David and Renee are...involved. Kind of."

"Oh."

I heard Renee and Linda talking in the living room.

"Anything else I can get you?" Brian asked, taking the cup out of the microwave and setting it down on the table in front of me.

"No that's fine."

"Really? Because . . ."

"Well actually now that you mention it . . ."

"Yeah?"

"Is it ok if I stay here tonight?"

"Yeah sure. I think David might, as well, so. . ."

"Oh ok. With Renee?"

"Uh huh."

"Ok."

Renee walked into the kitchen, followed by Linda and then David.

"Hey Brian," Renee said.

"Hey Renee. Aunt Linda. David," Brian replied.

"Hi," Linda said.

"Hey," David said.

"Hey, um, David?" I said, looking at him.

"Yeah?" he said, looking at me.

"I'm going to stay here tonight if you could ring Elizabeth and your dad and tell them . . ."

I won't be home tonight.

"Yeah sure."

"Mmk."

"So what's for dinner?" Renee asked.

"Well Karen and I are going to have pasta...you guys can have some I'll make you some or you can go out somewhere..." Brian told them.

"Oh. What do you think hun?" Renee asked, turning to David.

"I don't know yet."

"Mmm ok."


	12. The Dark

It was after dinner and Brian and I were in his parents' room, on their bed.

"You mind if I turn off the lights?" he asked me.

_"C'mon let's turn off the lights it'll make you more comfortable," he said._

_Oh god_, I thought. _No. Please. Don't turn off the lights._

"Uh, Karen?" Brian asked.

"Huh?"

"The, lights."

"Oh. Right. Those."

"You ok? You seem kinda out of it."

"Yeah, I am."

"So do you not want me to turn off the lights or.......?"

"Yeah, um, could you not? I'm sorry I just......it...."

"The dark?"

I nodded, swallowing.

"Yeah it, gets to me."

"Ok. Ok. You ok hun? Do you wanna talk is there anything I can get you........should I leave or.......?"

"Um, water would. be great. I, could you.....sorry I'm sorry. Again. I don't know why I'm apologising."

"Yeah sure I'll give you some space."

"Ok thank you."

"Sure."

He left, closing the door behind him.

As soon as he left something inside me broke and I started crying. I was in a place I didn't know all that well and yet it was more comfortable more....safe, than my own. It felt so weird feeling this safe.


	13. Night Visitors

It was 10 p.m. and I was finally at home after a long day. I was sitting on my bed, reading the first book for my English class. Lauren, Christy, Anna, Lila, Pamela and Leslie had all gone home. Max was working the night shift. I think Alice, Jasper, Bella and Edward had all gone home too.

In the kitchen, I hard Dad and my stepmom Elizabeth talking. David was in his room, Kristy was babysitting, Sam and Charlie were off at college and Emily was over at a friend's. It was pretty quiet in our house.

I heard my bedroom window start to open. I set the book down on the bed and looked toward the window where I saw 2 figures, one on the other's back.

I climbed off my bed and went to the window. I could see Edward and Bella hovering right outside my window. I unlocked and opened it. They climbed inside, bella falling on the floor in the process.

"Uh jeez," she said.

Edward, who was standing, extended his hand to help her up. She got up.

"Thank you," she said standing up.

"Mmhmm," he said, nodding.

He looked towards me.

"Karen?" Elizabeth called.

"Yeah?" I called down.

"Are you alrite up there? I heard a thump."

"Yeah Elizabeth I'm fine. I fell trying to get something."

"Oh ok."

"What," I asked, trying to keep my voice low, "are you doing here?"

"We thought we'd stop by and see how your first day was," Edward replied.

"Oh, and not even call first?"

"Well, we didn't have your cell number," Bella said.

"Oh. Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"Karen," Edward said, "we never sleep."

"Yeah and apparently you don't eat, either, according to Alice," I said.

"Oh, what else did she tell you?" Bella asked suspiciously.

"You can sit down," I said, indicating my bed.

Bella and Edward sat down on my bed, Edward looking at Bella.

"Bella love," he said calmy, "I'm sure it was nothing you wouldn't want her to know."

Bella sighed; "ok."

"So how was it?" Edward asked.

"Um, what?"

"Your first day."

"Oh. That."

"Yes, that Karen."

"Um ok. Fairly long."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"Um . . ." I said.

"Yes?" Bella looked at me.

"What was with Alice earlier today?"

"Oh, that."

"Yes, that," now it was my turn.

"She gets like that sometimes."

"Oh. But she was, um,"

Edward leaned forward; "she was having a vision, Karen," he informed me.

"Oh," was all I said.


	14. Tuesday

**Tuesday**

* * *

It was the next morning. I'd arrived at school. People were milling about in the hallway before class started.

Nancy grabbed me.

"Huh?" I asked, turning around.

"Why didn't you call me?" she hissed.

"Huh when?" I asked.

"Yesterday. And where'd you get that coat?"

"Yesterday. The mall. And I was busy. I forgot."

"Oh, were you?" she asked, disbelieving.

"Yes. I was."

"Are you doing anything later today, after school?"

"Yes, I probably am, actually."

"Oh, well fine then so am I."

Nancy turned and flounced off.

"Karen!" I heard a voice call.

I whirled around and saw Pamela, Leslie, Lauren, Christy and Max heading down the hall towards me.

"Hey," Pamela said when they'd reached me.

"Oh hey," I said.

"What's wrong?" Leslie asked.

"And what," Lauren said; "was that all about?"

"Oh, nothing really except that a; my mom made me button up my coat this morning before I left. And b; Nancy wanted to know where I was yesterday."

"So what'd you tell her?" Christy asked.

"And girrrl," Max said; "what is up with those shoes? It's not snowing."

"Yeah thanks I know that. I'll tell you in a minute."

"Oh."

We walked down the hallway.

"To answer your question Christy," I said.

"Yeah?" she asked, looking at me.

"She, being Nancy, wanted to know why I didn't call her yesterday like I was sposed to. I told her I was busy."

"Course you were you were with us," Pamela said.

"Yeah exactly. And she also wanted to know where I got this coat. I told her yesterday. At the mall."

"Oh."

We'd reached our metal lockers.

"And to answer your question," I said, looking at Max; "these were the only I could find that went with this outfit."

"You need some new boots sweethart."

"Yes, thank you," I replied, smiling.

"Which is why," Lauren said, pulling a large brown bag out of the bottom of her locker; "we got you these."

Out of the bag she pulled a pair of thigh high black leather stiletto boots.

"My god how high are those heels?" I asked.

"4 inches," Pamela said.

"Jeez those are big. Thank you, by the way."

"Uh huh."

"Well, try them on," Leslie said.

"Ok."

I sat down on the floor, unzipping my snow boots and putting on the new ones.

"Oooh great skirt," Lauren commented.

"Thanks I got it last night."

"We know."

They laughed.

I stood up in the boots, wobbling a little.

"Wow these are like ........wow. I don't really know what to think of them."

"Wow you're a little tipsy and you're not even drunk yet," Christy laughed.

I smiled.

"Oh don't worry you'll get used to them," Max told me; "you're gonna have to if you're gonna be a stripper."

I looked at her, surprised.

"Um exscuse me? Stripper?" I asked, my eyes wide.

"Ya huh. My friend Melissa just came into town from Vegas. She plays blackjack. She'll show you the ropes."

"She also happens to be my older sister," Christy told me.

"Oh. Um when?" I asked.

"Today. Well tonight, rather," Pamela said.

"We've already set up an appointment for you," Leslie said.

"Christy, Max and I will come with. We have to, anyway. We work there," Lauren said.

"Where?" I asked.

"Downtown at the casino."

"Guess I'll be in late tonight then."

"Oh you'll have a lot of nights like that."

"Oh."

"And after school we're going to my place," Christy said.

"Oh."

"By bus, of course," Max told me.

"Of course," I repeated.

"And then the mall," Pamela said.

"Wow we're busy," I remarked.

"Yeah well."

"And you have the body for it," Leslie told me.

"I I do?" I said.

"Yes my god you're gorgeous," Lauren told me.

"Thank you."

"Uh huh."

"With your long blonde hair and piercing blue eyes………..good thing you got contacts," Christy told me.

"The men are gonna love you and the women prolly will too," Max told me.

The warning bell rang. We put the snow boots in Lauren's locker and went to class.


	15. The Party

**7 p.m.**

It was that night. Pamela, Leslie, Christy, Melissa, Max and I were all on the sidewalk in front of Lauren's house. Melissa knocked on the door. Music wae blaring from inside.

"Yeah?" we heard Brian call from inside.

"Hey it's us," Melissa called.

"Ok hang on," Brian called back.

Within a few minutes we heard the lock turn in the front door; it opened and there was Brian standing in the doorway. Crowds of people danced behind him, holding cups. Rosalie was wrapped around his waist; her pupils were huge.

"Hey cmon in," he said.

"Yeah come in; welcome to the party," Rosalie said.

We all squished inside, Brian closing and locking the door behind us.

"Hey, want something to drink?" Lauren asked, spotting us.

"Yeah we have wine. Ooh and beer that's good too."

Rosalie giggled. Lauren walked across the big living room to us.

"You're so drunk," she told Rosalie, when she reached us.

Her pupils were large as well.

"Oh, and you're not?" Rosalie asked Lauren, turning to her.

"Now get off, my brother."

Both Lauren and Brian pried Rosalie off Brian.

"Cmon Rose let's go," Max said, leading Rosalie away.

Brian turned to Lauren.

"Thanks," he said.

She nodded.

"Uh huh," she replied

"Where's Tina?" she asked

"Friend's for the night."

"Oh. Ok."

She turned back to us.

"You guys want anything to drink?" she asked us.

"Um well....." Pamela said.

"What do you have?" Leslie asked.

"Follow us," Brian said.

"I noticed you're not drunk," Christy said.

"Christy, you know men can hold their liquor better," Melissa told her sister.

"Oh. Right."

We followed Brian and Lauren through the crowds of people, which we pushed through and soon entered the kitchen. A couple was pushed against the kitchen counter, making out.

"We have," Brian said, opening the fridge,

"Beer, vodka, orange juie, wine, water, sprite........" Lauren rattled off.

"I'll have some wine," Pamela said.

My eyes widened.

"Wow really?" I asked

Pamela looked at me and nodded.

"Uh huh," she replied

"Alrite red or white?" Brian asked

Pamela smiled

"Red."

"Ok we have..."

"Merlot do you have merlot cuz I want merlot."

"Ohhk."

Brian leaned deeper into the fridge.

Melissa came over with a glass of water and 2 Advil in her hand.

"Here," she said, giving it to Pamela.

"Oh. Thank you."

"Mmhm."

Pamela opened her mouth and tipped her head back, popped the pills in and drank the water.

"So I don't get one hell of a wine headache," she explained to me

"Oh. Ok," I said.

"Yeah, I know, I hate those," Leslie said.

"Yeah me too," Christy agreed.

"They're just awful," Max said.

"So what do you do?" I asked Melissa.

"Oh I'm a bartender downtown."

"Oh. Ok."

"And Leslie, what would you like?" Brian asked her.

"Um I think I'll have white wine," she replied

"Ok chardonnay?"

She nodded; "mmm hmm."

"Ok."

Brian pulled 2 large glass bottles out of the fridge. Leslie crossed the room and got 2 cups out of the cabinet. She set them down on the counter, reached up and closed the cabinets then filled the glasses with water. She handed one to Christy.

"Here ya go," she said.

"Thanks."

Brian set the bottles down on the counter and closed the fridge.

"You guys can serve yourselves," he said.

"Oo ouch," Lauren said.

Melissa looked at her.

"Headache?" she gussed.

"Yeah. God ow," she said.

"Here. Drink this," Melissa said, handing Lauren a glass of water; "it'll help."

"Um ok. I, whoa."

Lauren tripped, grabbing hold of the counter.

Brian looked at her.

"You ok?" he asked.

"Wow I'm suddenly really dizzy."

"Yeah and the buzz is.........gone."

She drew the word 'gone' out.

"We gotta get you upstairs," Brian said.

He looked at Melissa.

"Melissa you ok with everything here?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Yeah sure," she said.

They went upstairs.


	16. Merlot

That left Pamela, Melissa, Christy, Leslie and I in the kitchen.

"Does this happen a lot?" I asked.

Pamela looked at me.

"What, the party or the drinking?" she asked.

"Well um both."

"Oh yeah."

"Well, more often than not," Melissa put in.

"Oh."

"Ya want some?" Christy asked.

"Yeah what the hell why not?" I replied.

Leslie looked at me, lifting an eyebrow; "wow really?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Oh-k."

She was surprised.

"What, I'm not allowed to have a drink?"

"You just didn't seem the type hun," Pamela told me: "not in middle school anyway. Or even now, actually."

I turned to her; "well usually, I'm not. Things have changed."

"Oh. Ok."

"Whatdayawant honey?" Melissa asked, peering into the fridge.

"Uh idinno I've never had a drink before . . ."

"Oh try the merlot. Melissa give her the merlot. Karen have you had merlot? It's pretty amazing," Christy said, giggling.

"Oh-k then I'll have merlot which, is apparently amazing," I said.

"Coming right up," Melissa said.

Leslie came over to me with a glass of water and 2 Advil, which she placed on the table in front of me.

"Here hun. you're gonna need this," she told me.

I tipped my head back, popped the Advil in, tipped my head forward and drank the water.

"Thanks," I said.

"Uh huh."

Melissa got the bottle of merlot out of the fridge and set it on the counter next to the wine glass. My eyes widened when I saw the bottle.

"Um, am I drinking all of that?" I asked.

"Oh no of course not," Pamela said.

"Oh ok good."

Melissa uncorked the wine bottle and poured some of the wine into the glass. She corked the bottle, put it back in the fridge then came over to me carrying the glass. She, Leslie, Pamela and Christy surrounded me.

"Now Karen," Pamela said.

I looked at her; "yeah?"

"Before you drink there are a few things you should know."

"Uh huh ok."

"It's gonna hit you hard and it's gonna hit you fast," Christy told me.

"Yeah well I'm used to that."

"Yeah well not from drinking. Maybe from life but not, from drinking."

"Oh."

"And it will hurt, just to warn you," Leslie said.

"Oh more pain."

"So, if you're ready," Melissa said.

"I am."

I took a drink.


	17. Tipsy

And discovered they were right. The merlot hit me hard and it hit me fast.

"Oh wow. God. This is weird," I said.

I felt dizzy and really warm. And out of it.

Pamela, Leslie, Christy and Melissa were all looking at me.

"You ok?" Pamela asked.

"Um yeah I think so I'm just really dizzy. I need to, um...um...that..."

"Lie down?" Leslie suggested.

"Yeah. That. Since I apparently can't form complete, um,..."

"Sentences," Christy said.

"Yes those! Thank you!"

"Wow you're tipsy," Melissa said.

"Oh is that what I am hmm I hadn't noticed."

I fell...back... into Pamela.

"Oh hello love how ara ya there?" I muttered.

She smiled.

"You wanna go up to my room?" she asked.

"Yeah sure ok. That sounds good."

"Be careful standing up," she told me.

I got off the uncomfortable stool I'd been sitting on. Pamela's arm went around my waist.

We walked through crowds of people and into the living room where there were more crowds of people. Melissa, Leslie and Christy followed me.

"Karen hey how ya doin?" Brian called.

I smiled at him. He walked over to us.

"Hey I'm a little tipsy right now, apparently, according to...uh, them can I get back to you later?" I asked.

He looked at Melissa and asked; "she's never had a drink before has she?"

"No. She hasn't."

"She and I are goin upstairs," Pamela informed Brian.

"Ok, well, let me know if you need anything."

"Ok will do."


	18. The Truth Comes Out

When we got upstairs Pamela led us down the hall to Brian's parents' room.

"And here," she said, opening the door, "we are."

We went inside. She closed and locked the door behind us.

"Mind if I turn off the lights?" she asked.

Even though I was tipsy I still didn't like the dark.

"Please keep them..........on," I replied, managing to form a complete sentence.

"Oh. Ok."

"I'm still dizzy."

"Yeah you're gonna be dizzy for a long time hun."

Pamela led us to the bed, where we laid down next to each other.

She put her mouth near mine.

"Pamela," I said.

"Yeah hun?"

"Don't."

"But, I....don't you......"

"No, it's not that I'm not interested in you, because I am. Oh god you have no idea how gorgeous you are."

"But?"

I sat up, followed by a head rush. I breathed in.

"Oh god," I said.

"Head rush?" Pamela asked.

I nodded. her eyes were huge.

"Lie back."

"Ok."

And I did so.

"Pamela I.....I was..............my stepdad........um, he......"

"It happened to you too didn't it," she stated.

"What?"

"Their hands in your hair, telling you how gorgeous you are..........night after night......always being afraid......"

"Yeah. It did. How'd ya know?"

"Word gets around Karen. It gets, around."

"Well I guess so it certainly does."

"And. It happened to me too."

"Oh. My god. I had no idea."

"Not a lot of people do."

"Same."


	19. History

"When did it start?" I asked her

"When did what start?"

"The......um, you know."

"Oh. Way early on."

"Oh Pamela.

"Yeah first my dad, who died, and then........my mom's new husband.......Leela's string of boyfriends......Ryan...."

"Oh wow. Jeez."

"Yeah. I know. And you?"

"Um well over the years it increased."

"Oh."

I suddenly felt really dizzy and really sick.

"Omygod!" i said, sitting up my hand over my mouth.

Pamela looked at me worriedly.

"Karen?" she asked.

"Where...where's the bathroom?"

I swung my legs over the bed onto the light carpeted floor.

"It's the door next to this room, down.....in the hallway."

"Ohk."

"Is it something I said? Did? Didn't do?"

"No I it's the..no."

"Ok."

I ran rather unsteadily out of the room and into the bathroom where I promptly passed out.


	20. Confusion

**10 p.m.**

* * *

When I woke up I had a pounding headache. I rolled over and saw Brian sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

"What, what are you doing here?" I asked, confused.

He smiled.

"I live here Karen," he reminded me.

"You do? Well then what am I doing here? Where's Pamela? David? What day is it how'd I get here? Ugg I feel so awful. I'm so drunk. Omygod."

"No honey you're not. You're not that drunk."

"Then why.......why.......ow. Do I feel so awful?"

"Because you've never had a drink before."

"Ow can't you get me something for my head?"

"Karen, I'm sorry, I can't."

"Oh well why......" I started to sit up and promptly fell back against the side of the tub.

"Because you don't mix pills with alcohol."

"Alcohol is that what I drank? God no wonder I feel so awful."

"Yes, it was. here."

Brian slowly pushed me away from the tub and put a folded towel behind my back. I leaned back against it. Brian started to brush his fingers through my hair.

Flashback.

_"I love your hair Karen. It's so so beautiful. Like the sun spun into follicles. And you oh you. Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" he said._

I shuddered at the memory.

"No. Don't," I told Brian.

"What why? You have beautiful-" he started to say.

"Hair. Yes. I.....I know. That's exactly what they said. They loved my hair and they ended up........."

"Oh. My god. Wow. I'm so sorry."

A knock came on the door. Brian looked up.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Hey I brought her some water," I heard Pamela say; "how's she doin?"

"The same," Brian replied; "you can come in."

"Ok."

Pamela came in and sat on the floor next to me. She put the glass of water in my hands.

"Here honey," she said; "drink this. It'll help."

I took the glass from her hands, lifted it to my lips and drank.

"Ug I feel awful," I said.

"I know you do."

"You want me to stay here with you?" she asked me.

"Huh?"

"You want me to stay-"

The whole room went dark.


	21. Bathroom

**Midnight**

* * *

I'd somehow ended up in one of the bathrooms at Lauren's. In the rest of the house people were talking and dancing, generally making noise. Music was playing. I was lying on the uncomfortable tile floor.

Someone knocked on the door.

"Uh," I said.

"It's Brian can I come in?" a male voice asked.

"Um well I'm kind of sick..." I replied.

"I know. That's why I'm coming on."

"Uhhhkkkk."

I heard the door open. Brian stepped in and closed it behind him.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Worse. Actually."

"Oh. You're notused to drinking. Are you."

It was a statement not a question.

"I've never, had a drink before this. So no."

"Oh."

"Where's Pamela?"

"Downstairs, talking with the Cullens."

"The.....Cullens?"

"Edward, Bella and Alice."

"Oh."


	22. Hangover

Several drinks later.......

I woke up with a pounding headache. The kitchen lights seemed much too bright.

"Ow. Can we kill the lights please?" I asked.

"You, my dear, have a hangover," a soft gentle female voice said.

It was unfamilar to me.

"And yes, we can. Carlisle, hit the lights."

"Yes Esme."

The lights flickered off.


	23. Dr Cullen

**Tuesday**

It was early the next morning and I'd somehow ended up in the big, pink-orange bed in Brian's parents room. Pamela was sitting at the foot of the bed.

"Hey," she said.

I tried to lift my head but couldn't, as I was dizzy.

"It's ok," she said, realising this.

"What happened last night?" I asked.

"You passed out."

"Well, I figured."

"Oh."

"I'm so confused. And dizzy."

"That's what's supposed to happen," a smooth accented male voice said.

A tall pale man in a long white doctor's coat entered the room. His hair was a light gold. He was wearing black pants, loafers and a long sleeve light blue shirt with small clear buttons. The color of the shirt made him look even paler. He was carrying a glass of water and followed by Edward, Bella, Alice and Brian.

They walked in the room. The man set a glass of water on the dark wood nightstand to the right of the bed.

Edward stepped next to the man.

"Karen," Edward said, "This is my father, Dr. Carlisle Cullen. He wants to take a look at you."

"Is that ok Karen?" the man asked.

I nodded.

The man sat on the edge of the bed in front of me.

Flashback.

He came in, sat on the edge of the bed. I started to protest. He pulled the covers back. I pulled my knees up. He pinned them down.

"Carlisle," Edward said.

Dr. Cullen looked at him.

"Yes?"

"Stop."

"I haven't even-"

"Stop."

Alice approached the bed.

"We think," she said quietly, "well, Edward and I, that is. We think there might more going on than just......"

"The drinking," Brian said.

He and Pamela were standing on the other side of the bed.

I turned to Pamela, looked up at her.

"I'm scared," I said.

"I know honey. But I'm right here."

"So am I. Wer'e right here," Brian said.

I swallowed, lacing my fingers through Pamela's. Brian put his hand on top of ours.

"Your hands are warm, both of yours," I remarked.

They smiled.

"Karen," Carlisle said.

I turned towards the sound of his voice.

"Yeah?"

"Is it ok if I go ahead?"

I nodded.

"Ok. I need you to look at me."

I looked into his pale blue eyes which he showed a small black flashlight in.

"Have you been feeling dizzy lately? Lightheaded? Out of sorts?" he asked.

"I'm that way right now."

"Before, you took your first drink," Bella put in.

"Oh. Well......."

"She has," Pamela said.

"Mmhmm. What about cold?"

"I'm always cold."

"Mmhmm."

He turned to Brian.

"Has she been eating?" the doctor asked.


	24. Bella

**Bella**

"Bella, Edward, Alice, I need to see you," my father in law said.

We followed him out of the bedroom and down the hall.

"I think, Karen might not be eating," he told us.

"We figured as much," Edward said.

"And theres something else that's.....happened," Alice said.

Carlisle looked at his shoes.

"I know. Unfortunately."

"That's why she doesn't like men."

"I know."

"So what can we do?" I asked.

"There's not much we can do she'll just keep going downhill. I'm sorry Bella," Alice answered.

"I wish we could help," Edward said.

"You _can_ help just by being there for her," Carlisle said.

Jasper came up the stairs.

"Hey what's goin on?" he asked.

He looked up.

"Is that blood I smell blood."

"No Jasper," I said firmly.


	25. POV: Karen

**Karen**

I threw off the covers and stood up.

"I can't do this," I said.

"Do what?" Brian asked.

I threw my hands up; "this! Everything! They know......something. Too much."

"Karen, they're just trying....." Pamela said.

"No."

I walked down the hall and into the bathroom where I closed and locked the door. I sat down against it and pulled my film canister out of my pocket. I popped the top and let the canister and its top roll around on the white tile floor untill a thin silver rectangle fell out. I picked the rectangle up and put it to my wrist.


	26. Delicate Wrists

After I was done in the bathroom I walked out into the hallway. The guy I'd seen from the first day of school, the tall one with the blond hair sticking up, was there. He took me and helped me lie down on the floor. He picked up my wrist.

"You have such delicate wrists. Ooh fresh blood. Perfect."

He smiled at me, his teeth glinting.


	27. Jasper, Rosalie

"Jasper, no. Get away from her. Control yourself," I heard a female voice say.

I looked up and sawthe thin blonde woman from the first day standing over me. She leaned down and took the guy by the arms. He stood up. She looked at me.

"Sorry about that. He can't control himself. I'm Rosalie. I think we saw each other the first day of school," she said.

"Yeah. I noticed. I'm karen. And yes, we did."

A pale white hand extended itself towards me.

"I'll help you up," I heard Edward's voice say.

"Thanks," I said, standing.

"Rosalie talk to him," Edward commanded.

She nodded.

"You alrite?" Edward asked, leading me down the stairs.

"Um no. Do we.....do we have any wine?"


	28. Monday Again

**Monday**

* * *

After a hell of a weekend, including the party Friday night, cutting several times, being drunk and spending Saturday sick then Sunday, yesterday, sobering up - which, if you've never done it, is a btich - I was finally back at school. As were the Cullens, Hannah, Natalie, Nancy, Pamela, Brian and David. Brian had told us there was going to be another party at his place that night. I knew I'd have to sneak out. After school I had work at the club. I hadn't quite gotten the hang of pole dancing but kept trying which Melissa liked. She was a great boss so far.

I was in homeroom with the Cullens, Brian and Pamela. The people around us were chatting about their weekend.

Hannah, Natalie and Nancy walked in in a group.

"Oh god," I said.

Brian looked at me.

"What?" he asked.

"I completely blew them off last week. Crap."

"Ohh."

Something seemed off that morning. Our friend Amanda hadn't shown up.

Hannah, Natalie and Nancy reached me.

"Either of you seen Amanda?" I asked.

"No. But where the hell were you last week?" Hannah asked.

"Um.......I was........"

"You completely blew us off!"

"Yeah I knew we had plans but I was kind of busy."

"Oh, kind of? Kind of? The least you could do is tell us what happened," Natalie, the sensitive one, said.

They walked to and sat in seats at the back of the room.

The teacher walked into the room.

"Damnit," I said.

"What?" Pamela asked, looking at me.

"I completely forgot to do my psychology assigment."

"You were hungover."

"Yeah but that's not ever an excuse."

"Who...who's told you that?"

"My mom. I got home yesterday.......we had this big fight.....it didn't end well."

"Oh."

The teacher clearedhis throat.


	29. Psychology

It was time for psychology. The teacher was sitting on her desk when we came in. We sat down.

"Hello everyone," she said smiling; "how was everyone's weekend?"

We gave different answers.

"This weekend I planted pumpkins with my sister and her kids. She's a kindergarten teacher. Did everyone do the homework?"

Most of us handed our papers to the person sitting at the front of each row. I, however, didn't.

"Karen, did you?" the teacher asked.

"I, uh, no. no I didn't."

"Oh. I'll need to see you after class."

"Ok."

Several of the class members informed the rest of us how they felt the first assignment went, which was very informative.

Our next assignment was to pick someone in the class and interview them then makde a video about them and their life. The teacher said she'd ask us if it was ok to before she showed the videos in class.

Soon enough the bell rang.

"Karen, you stay. The rest of you can go," the teacher said.

The rest ofthe class filed out.

"I'll see you at lunch," Christy called.

"Ok," I called back.

After the class had filed out the teacher approached me and sat down in a seat across from me.

"Karen," she said.

"Ye yes?" I asked.

"I noticed you didn't do the homework."

"Um. No."

"Why?"

"I had a fairly busy weekend. And, I was sick."

"Cold?"

"Yeah."

"You need to make up the assignment by Friday."

"Ok."

I walked out of the class and fell into step with a guy my height who was well muscled. He had dark, slightly wavy hair that fell to his shoulders.

"Hey," he said.

"Oh. Hi," I returned.

"What do you have next?"

"Um, history. You?"

"Algebra. I'm Tom, by the way."

"Oh. I'm Karen."

"You're in my psychology class."

"Which, we're leaving."

"I was wondering..." Tom said.

"Yes?"

"Is it ok if I, uh, interview you? For the, you know. Assignment."

"Yeah."

"Do you have plans for lunch?"

"Yes, I'm having lunch with my friend Christy."

"Ok. I'll see you then."

"Yeah, see you."

We went our seperate ways.


	30. Powder Blue

It was after school. Christy and I were over at her house. I had a few hours before I had to get to work. Melissa was already at the club. We were in their giant kitchen. She was standing on one side of the island, I on the other.

"Want some dinner? Or we could order out but I always do that. Mom's upstairs in bed. Dad will be working late. Our cook's off for the night," she told me.

"Your mom sick?" I asked.

"No she's...drunk. Quite drunk, actually."

"Oh. I know what that's like. You have a cook?"

I was surprised.

"Yeah. You don't."

"No."

"This is a huge kitchen in.....an even bigger house," I remarked.

"It's very old as well," Christy informed me.

"So's my dad's."

"And Pamela's."

"Um, what do you have?" I asked.

"I don't even know what's in the fridge," Christy said, pulling it open.

It was huge, tall and silver.

The scent of perfume wafted down the stairs.

"Christy," a female voice called.

"Yeah?" Christy called back.

"I'm going out."

"Ok bye."

"Bye."

There was silence and then the front door opened and closed.

"Who was that?" I asked Christy, who still had her head stuck in the fridge.

"My mother."

"Oh."

"There's no telling when she'll be back. Sometimes she's gone for days at a time."

"Oh. Wow. And what about your dad?"

"My dad, um. He works. All the time. If he doesn't, and when my mom's not passed out, they argue. We almost never see him. Except sometimes, when I'm not working at the club, and he thinks everyone else is asleep......."

"Oh. God."

I wasn't sure I was ready to tell Christy about me yet.

"I already know about Pamela, what happened. We've been friends for years."

"Oh. Is that why you, you know," I said.

"Why I what?"

"Um."

"Cut?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, kind of. To feel like there's something there, that I can depend on."

"Oh."

I was getting a little uncomfortable.

"Um, I'm going to go upstairs."

"Ok hun. Is pasta ok, for dinner?"

"Yeah that's fine."

I left the kitchen and went down the hallway to a large white winding staircase which I climbed. At the top of the stairs was a little girl, in a light blue puff sleeve blue dress. She was sitting on the floor playing with a red ball. Her hair was long and dark tied with a ribbon the same shade as her dress. She turned her head and looked at me. She had huge dark eyes.

"Omygod," I whispered.

"Karen? You ok up there?" Christy called from the kitchen.

I turned my head toward the sound of her voice.

"Um yeah."

"Ok lemme know if you need anything."

"Ok I will."

When I turned back to the landing the girl was gone.


	31. Dresses

I'd made my way up the stairs, down the hall, through a bedroom and into a giant closet filled with clothes. Dresses, skirts, shirts, lingerie, pants, shoes, purses and jewelry. Several items still had the price tags on them and were in duplicate.

I ran my hands past them untill I found a gorgeous black one with a gold lace overlay. I got it from its hanger along with several skirts and pairs of shoes. I quietly made my way to Christy's room where I put the items in my purse. I then made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Hey," I said casually.

"Hi," Christy said, looking up.

"Dinner ready yet?"

"No, it'll be a few more minutes."

"Oh. Um, I saw a little girl at the top of the stairs."

"Light blue dress, ribbon, dark eyes, hair, playing with a red rubber ball?" Christy asked.

I nodded; "yeah."

"Oh she's a frequent."

"Um, a frequent what?"

"Spirit."

"Um oh."

"Like I said our house is old."


	32. Smoking

It was later that night and I'd just stepped out the back door of Brian's house. Inside, loud music was playing and people were talking, laughing, making out and drinking. As usual, Brian's parents were out of town, tina was at a friend's and linda was on a date.

It was a cold night. I had Tom's long dark coat draped around my shoulders.

"Hey," I heard a female voice say.

I smelled smoke.

"Hi," I said.

In the dark I could make out the dim outline of a girl my height.

"Want a smoke?" she asled.

"Um I don't......yeah, sure, why the hell not? I'm goin downhill anyway."

She tossed something to me. I bent down and something light and cardboard fell into my upturned hands.

"They're cigs," she told me.

"Oh."

"Here's the light."

I caught something smaller, metal, cold and lighter.

"Great catch."

"Thanks. um how do you...?" I asked, confused, as I'd never smoked before.

"Cmon over to the porch and I'll show ya."

"Ok."

I walked over to a large porch swing in the middle of the yard. I sat down on it next to the girl.

"Here, give me the cigs," she told me.

I handed her the box.

"And the light."

I gave that to her.

"Hold this," she said, taking the cigerette she'd been smoking out of her mouth.

I took it from her and put it between my thumb and all my fingers.

"No honey. Between your fingers."

"Oh."

"Never done this before have you?"

"Um, no."

She shook the box against her palm.

"Yeah, figures. Great coat by the way."

"Thanks. It's actually....."

"Tom's. Yeah, I know. He's in a few of my classes. He's nice."

"Oh," was all I said.

"Jeez," she said, looking down at my arms.

"What?" I asked, flicking my eyes up to her.

"What's with all the blood? Get into a fight with a rosebush did ya?"

"Um. The blood?"

"Your arms honey. The cuts?"

"Oh."

"Yeah, not what you're thinkin. Although......you've been hurt. Haven't you."

It was, again, a statement not a question.

"Um well.....why?"

"I just know."

"Oh."

"Hung out with this chick Druscilla a few years back. You know her?"

I nodded; "yeah, actually."

"Dinno what happened to her. She split. Dinno where she is now."

"Oh."

"And Alice."

"Alice......Cullen?"

"Yeah that's the one."


	33. Accidentally

It was later that night and I'd bumped into one of the bathroom doors. The hallway was packed with people talking, dancing and drinking.

"Occupied," a voice inside called.

"Um, what?" I called over the noise.

"Scuse me can I get by? I need to use the-" a guy to my right said.

"You can't go in-" I started.

He turned the knob of the door which clicked.

The guy turned and was led off by someone I didn't recognise.

I stumbled into the door, opening it.

"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" I said to whoever was in the bathroom.

The bathroom smelled like smoke.

In front of me, on the floor, was a girl dressed entirely in black. She had long dark hair. The sleeve of her fuzzy black v neck sweater was pushed up. around her arm right above the elbow was a white rubber band. in her other hand was a syringe.

"Omygod," I said, horrified; "I'm so sorry."

I closed the door, ran down the hall stairs and out the back door into the backyard which still smelled like smoke. I made my way to the porch swing which I climbed onto and pulled out my razorblade from its film canister.


	34. Brian

I felt someone besides myself enter the backyard. Whoever it was closed the back door as quietly as they could.

"Hey what are you doin out here?" I heard Brian's voice say.

"I, got scared," I replied, turning towards him.

"Oh? Of what?" he asked crossing the yard to the swing.

"I. When I was upstairs, I accidentally opened the bathroom door. The hallway was crowded, packed and-"

"Yeah I know. It's very crowded in there."

"And I opened it and saw a girl my height. She was....she had a syringe. Her sleeve was pushed up."

"Oh wow."

"I think she was shooting up. Or, going to, rather. I closed it right away. The, uh, the door."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"Heroin? Coke?"

"Idinno I didn't ask. Can you.....?"

"You want me to take you home?"

I nodded; "yeah, would you."

"Yeah sure. Oh damn."

Brian got a look at my arms.

"Oh. Those. I'm sorry that I'm bleeding all over your-"

"It's ok it's washable."

"Oh. ok."

"I'll go get something for it."

"Ok."

I swallowed. Brian went back into the house.

"Hey chick," a female voice called.

It was the same voice as the girl I'd seen smoking earlier.........as the one in the bathroom.

"Hey. Listen," she said.

Her voice drew closer as she approached me.

"I didn't mean to scare ya up, back there. You know, in the bathroom? When you...."

I nodded.

"Yeah. I know," I said quickly.

"I can be a bit intens esometimes."

Yeah you're tellin me.

"I shoot up. Sometimes."

"I gathered."

"You see......I'm an addict."


	35. POV: Christy

**Tuesday**

**

* * *

****Christy**

It was very early Tuesday morning. Melissa and I were in the kitchen of our house sipping tea. The party at Brian's had finally ended and all the partygoers had gone home.

"Christina," my mom called.

Melissa and I looked at each other.

"Uh oh," I said.

My mom hardly ever called me by my full name.

"Yes?" I called.

"Several of my dresses and shoes seem to be missing. Do you know where they are?"

"No, haven't seen them."

Our mom stumbled in half drunk. She approached us unsteadily. Melissa stood up and took our cups to the sink.

"Did you take them?" Mom asked.

"No. Why would I when I have plenty of my own clothes?"

Our mom turned to Melissa.

"Melissa, you?"

"No mother. I didn't."

My mom grabbed my arm, nearly knocking me off the stool I'd been sitting on.

"Ow," I said.

She tripped and fell onto the floor, becoming unconscious. She took her with me.

"Ouch," I whispered at the sudden impact.

I got up. Melissa and I looked down at our mom.

"Should we just leave her?" Melissa asked.

"No. You know we can't."

"Oh."

"Cmon help me get her to the couch."

Melissa and I dragged our mother over to the living room couch where we placed her. We took off her silver grecian sandals and Melissa covered her with a blanket from one of the several linen closets.

"Cmon let's go upstairs," Melissa said, walking to the stairs.

"The girl's back," I told her, climbing the stairs.

"Who? Which one?"

"The one with the red rubber ball."

"Oh."

"She was here when Karen was over. Karen saw her."

"Karen can see spirits?" Melissa asked, eyes wide.

"I guess so."

"Oh. Have you told Pamela?"

"About?"

"The girl."

"Oh. No."

"She might like to know."

"I know. But it's late...I mean early. Very early."

"Really early. And I didn't mean right now."

"Oh. Ok."

"Whenever. I wonder if Mom'll have any more of her episodes tonight...this morning."

Melissa and I went into our rooms where we lied down on our beds.


	36. Mom's Episode

Several hours later I awoke to Mom screaming downstairs.

"No! You took them I know you did! Get away from me! No!" she said.

"Oh god. Melissa!" I called.

"I know I know. I'm up."

She and I met in the hallway.

"I really don't want to deal with this," I said.

"Is there anyone we could call?"

"Uh maybe the Cullens might be up."

At that moment our phone rang.

Melissa went over to one of the cordless ones, picked it up, pushed the talk button and put it up against her ear.

"Yeah, hello?" she asked; "oh no we're not doing anything......no no it's fine......we just woke up actually. Um sure I'll ask her."

Melissa put the phone against her blue satin robe and looked at me.

"Christy," she said.

"Yeah?"

"It's Esme. Cullen."

"Oh."

"She wants to know if it's ok if she, her husband, Alice and Rosalie stop by. Is that ok?"

I nodded; "yeah that's fine."

"Ok."

Melissa put the phone back up to ear and told the Cullens it was fine. They then hung up.

"Finally. Someone who will be able to help us with Mom," Melissa said.

"Um, Dr. Cullen's only a physical doctor," I informed her.

"Yeah but he's all we've got right now. Mom refuses to see a therapist. And you know what happened with the pills."

"Yeah."

Awhile back our mom had overdosed on the meds she'd been given.

"Anything we need to get ready for them?" Melissa asked.

"No, the guest rooms are all ready. You know where the air mattresses are."

"Ok. I'll go get them ready," Melissa said and went upstairs.

A few minutes later the doorbell rang.

"Well that was fast," I said to the now empty room.

I went to the door and looked out the one of the side windows. outside stood alice, rosalie, esme and carlisie.

I got the key, unlocked the door and opened it.

"Hey. Come in come in," I said, stepping to the side and opening the door wider to let them inside.

Rosalie came in first followed by Alice and their parents.

"Thank you," Rosalie said.

"Hey Christy," Alice said.

"Hi."

"You look really tired," Esme told me.

"Thanks."

I smiled; "I am. Very. My mom's not doin so well."

"Where is she?" Dr. Cullen asked, looking around.

"The couch."

"Oh ok."

He went over to the couch and started observing my mom.

"Do you have any wine?" Esme asked.

"At this hour?" I asked, surprised.

"We don't sleep," Rosalie informed me.

"Oh. Yeah, there should be some in the liquor cabinet which is in the pantry. It's...." I replied.

"I'll find it."

"And I'll help," Rosalie said, following her mom into the kitchen.

"Who are you?" I heard mom ask from the couch.

"I'm Dr. Cullen. I'm here to help," he replied.

"Help me? _Help_ me?"

"Yes."

"When they tried to help me I downed the pills they gave me."

"Oh. I see we've got more on my hands than I'm used to. Esme, could you pour me some too?" Dr. Cullen called to his wife.

"Of course," she called back.

"Cmon let's go upstairs," I told Alice, looking at her.


	37. Tuesday, Again

**Karen**

It was 7 a.m. Tuesday morning. I, once again, woke up depressed. The smells of waffles and bacons wafted up from the kitchen downstairs.

"Karen breakfast!" my mom called.

I rolled over and looked at my alarm, clock the digitial bright red numbers announcing it was 7.

What the hell happened last night, I wondered.

I realised I had to be at school in an hour and swung my legs over the side of my bed. I stood up.

"I can't I have to be at school in an hour," I called.

"What?" Mom asked.

"She doesn't have time," I heard my stepdad tell her.

"Oh."

"I don't have time," I called.

I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible, to get away from my stepdad.

"It's important for you to have breakfast," Mom called.

"I'll get something on the way."

"Well.......ok."

Which I knew she didn't approve of.


	38. Christy

**Christy**

It was several hours later that morning. Wonderful smells drifted up from the kitchen.

"Melissa, Christy," Esme called up the stairs; "breakfast."

Esme? What was she doing here?

I lifted my head and then the events of last night hit me.

The Cullens, Melissa and I had all had a glass of wine before Melissa and I went to sleep. I actually slept fairly well. The Cullens, it appeared, never slept.

I immediately went into panic mode.

I stood up, put on my robe and went downstairs into the kitchen.

"Morning, Christy," Esme said, looking up.

She had a pitcher of orange juice in her hand. There was a bowl of apples on the rectangular island in front of her and another on the round wooden kitchen table.

"Orange juice? Milk? Coffee?" she asked, smiling.

"Where's Mom?" I asked.

"Oh, she's upstairs. In her bed."

"Oh."

"Carlisle gave her something."

"Not wine I hope. And not pills."

"No, something else."

"Oh."

I looked around the room, which smelled of waffles and bacon. There were several tall glasses lined up on the island in front of Esme. The coffeemaker was bubbling.

"Or would you like some tea?" Alice asked from her spot in the living room.

"How did you...when did you...have time to..." I asked in amazement.

"Oh, early this morning. Alice and Rosalie helped."

"Oh."

Melissa came into the kitchen.

"Hey ready to go?" she asked me.

"Um, no. It'll be a few minutes," I replied.

"Oh, hi Mrs. Cullen," Melissa said when she saw her.

Esme smiled; "you can call me Esme dear."

"Oh."

"Don't you have time for breakfast?"

"Usually I drive Christy and I to school. Sometimes we'll get a muffin or something on the way."

"Oh wow," Rosalie said.

"Come, sit down," Esme said.

Melissa and I sat down at the kitchen table.

"What can we get you?" Carlisle asked, coming into the room.

"Um I'll have a waffle," Melissa said.

"Me too," I said.

Carlisle went over to his wife and took her at the waist toward him, kissing the top of her head.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi dear."

Alice came over to us. Rosalie stayed where she was.

"Rosalie seems kind of hostile," I mumbled to Melissa.

"Yes she was like that when she first met Bella," Esme recalled.

"Bella?" I asked.

"Edward's wife."

"No I know who she is I just didn't know they were married. Aren't they a bit...young?"

"Oh we don't age the same way you do," Carlisle explained.

"Oh."

"You don't look a day over 40," I told Esme.

"Oh well aren't you sweet! Thank you!"

"So where are you guys from?" Alice asked.

"Well we were born in Paris but then moved to New York and then here."

"Oh."

"Oh, Paris. We loved Paris," Esme said.

"It's a beautiful city," Rosalie put in.

"How'd you sleep?" Carlisle asked.

"Fairly well actually."

It had been nice to have someone else in the house to worry about Mom. Safe. Warm. Comforting.


	39. Karen

**Karen**

It was the next day, Tuesday, lunchtime. I was sitting in the park with the Cullens who, it appeared, along with not sleeping, didn't eat either. The day dawned bright, warm, windy and sunny. We were sitting underneath a circle of pine trees. The smell of pine drifted through the air. The only one who wasn't there was Emmet. He was at a football meeting.

"You're not eating?" Bella asked, looking at me.

"I...I'm not very hungry."

"Oh."

"And, I had a big breakfast."

I hadn't though. I wasn't ready to admit that.

I was starting to feel dizzy so I lied down on the grass.

"You alrite?" Edward asked.

"Yeah just a bit dizzy."

"Hmmm. Ok."

"How was everyone's morning?" Jasper asked.

"Boring," Rosalie said.

"Ok," Alice replied.

"The usual," Bella answered.

Jasper looked at me.

"Karen, you?" he asked.

"Um, ok. I forgot to hand in my psychology assignment."

"Ohh."

"Well you weren't exactly sober, least not sober enough to do your homework," Alice said undertsabdably.

"Yeah but."

"But what?" Rosalie asked quietly, looking at me.

"That's never an excuse."

"Accodring to who?"

"My mom."'

"Wow."

"Sounds like she can be pertty hard on you," Bella said.

"Yeah. Sometimes."

"It's due by Friday, the makeup."


	40. After School

It was after school and Pamela, Leslie, Lauren, Max, Christy and I were at Christy's house, in her room. Christy and I had a few hours before work. Melissa was already at the club.

"Long day," I said.

"Yeah," Pamela put in.

"It was," Leslie said.

"Everyone ready for the party tonight?" Lauren asked.

She and Christy were at the mirror putting on mascara.

"Yeah," Christy answered.

"How's your sister?" I asked max.

"Quite busy. There's more of a demand for her."

"Why?"

"Not sure."

"You, Hannah and Nancy used to be best friends," Pamela told me.

"Yeah. I know."

"So what happened?" Leslie wanted to know.

"I left. After......"

Pamela nodded.

"They didn't like that. I told them I was leaving but didn't tell them why. I couldn't tell anyone."

"Mmhmm."

"We had a big fight."

"Oh."

"I haven't seen Amanda lately," Leslie said.

"Yeah, me either," Pamela said.

"Who wants dinner?" Christy asked, standing up.

She was done with the mascara.

"I, um......am not hungry," I said.

"Did you have lunch?" Max asked me.

"Yeah."

"Oh."

I was the only one who didn't have dinner. I stayed in the bedroom by myself while the girls went downstairs and had dinner in the kitchen. I told them I preffered to be alone.


	41. Wednesday

**Wednesday**

It was Wednesday, the next day. Lunch time. Just like the day before, I was in the park. I was lying down in the sunlight. The Cullens were talking under the pine trees.

I hadn't eaten dinner the previous night, or breakfast or lunch today. I was feeling a bit dizzzier than I had yesterday as well as slightly forgetful and out of it.

"Hey," a slightly familiar male voice said.

I looked up and saw Tom sitting next to me. He had a notebook and a pen on his other side.

"Um hi," I said, trying to get up.

I found I couldn't so I lied back down.

"Ugh."

"You alrite?" Tom asked, peering down at me.

"Yeah just a bit dizzzy."

"From the party last night?"

"Um. No."

"Oh?"

"Yeah I......missed breakfast. Didn't have time."

"Ah."

"So what are you doing out here?" I asked.

"Oh, well it's a nice day. That, and I wanted to get started on the assignment for psychology class."

"Oh, that's right. I've been a bit out of it."

Tom smiled; "that's ok."

Then continued with; "so tell me about you."

"What do you want to know?"

"Um, well, anything. everything."

He picked up his notebook and pen.

"Well, I've lived here all my life but was away in California over the summer."

"Mmhmm."

"My parents split when I was little. I live with my mom and......3 siblings."

"5, wow."

"Yeah. Emily's adopted......then Grace, she's the youngest. She's actually my half sister."

"Your mom remarried?"

I swallowed; "um. yeah."

"Oh. I take it you don't like him."

"Um. Well."

"It's ok, you don't have to explain."

"Ok. And my brother David."

"I've met him he's cool."

"My brothers Sam and Charlie are off and married. Sam's living in New York with his wife Stacey, who's a model and works in fashion. She's a friend of my stepsister Kristy who's away at college."

"Mmhmm. Hey, um, are you ok?"

His voice seemed very far away.

"Huh? What?" I asked.

"I said, are you ok. Because, well.....you don't look so good."

I suddenly couldn't see anything.

"Omygod," I heard Tom whisper through my faded consciousness.

"Karen? Karen. Wake up. Oh hell. This is not good."


	42. Chapter 42

**Christy**

"Where's Karen?" Pamela asked.

"Idinno," Leslie said.

"She might be at the park," I added.

"I hope she's ok," Max put in.

It was lunchtime and we were all sitting together in the lunchroom. The Cullens were out in the park.

"Yeah. She didn't eat dinner last night," Lauren said.

"Did she eat breakfast?" Pamela asked.

"Well, she _says_ she did," Leslie said.

"Maybe we should let _her_ come to _us_," I said.


	43. Hannah Nancy Natalie

**Hannah Nancy Natalie**

"Karen's been kind of distant lately," Hannah said.

"Yeah. We used to be so close," Nancy said.

"I remember," Natalie said.

"We haven't seen her all sunner," Hannah put in.

"The day after middle school graduation she left. Went to California, or something," Nancy reported.

"Yeah. And then she's come back and is completely changed. All of a sudden she's friends with Pamela and Leslie," Natalie said.

"I neveer thought the day would come," Hannah added.

"But it did. But why Pamela? She was always mean. And popular...." Nancy began.

"Beautiful, in all those ads and tv commercials. Has this big house," Natalie said.

"Yeah. I haven't seen much of Amanda either," Hannah said.

"I know," Nancy agreed.

She stood up.

"Well. I have to get to my meeting," she said, referring to the meeting the students in the school play had.

"Bye," Hannah and Natalie chorused.


	44. Chapter 44

**Karen**

I opened my eyes to see Rosalie, Esme and Tom peering down at me.

"I.......what am I doing here? How'd I get here? What happened?" I asked.

I tried to sit up but found I couldn't, as I was, once again, dizzy.

"Whoa, don't try to sit up yet," Tom warned me.

Esme smiled; "you passed out at school, during lunch hour," she told me.

"Oh. I don't remember that."

"That usually happens," Carlisle called from somewhere.

"We brought you here," Rosalie told me.

"Oh."

"Are you ok?" Alice asked.

"Um, well, I'm really dizzy."

Carlisle walked into the room carrying a black mug.

"Here," he said, handing it to Tom; "give her this."

Carlisle perched next to his wife on the sofa arm. Tom helped me sit up. I sipped the liquid in the mug. It was warm and spicy. The dizziness washed away.


	45. Chapter 45

**Bella**

"Something's wrong," Alice informed us at lunch that day.

We looked at her.

"What is it?" Jasper asked.

"I'm not sure. Karen's in......"

"Wake up wake up," we heard a faint voice say.

Edward, Jasper and Alice quickly stood up.

We looked over. A few yards away from us were Karen and Tom. Karen was lying down on the ground in the sunlight, Tom was sitting.

"Let's go," Jasper grumbled.

"But," Rosalie started to protest.

"Rosalie, now," Emmet said.

Edward helped me up.

We quickly went over to where Karen and Tom were.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked.

"How the hell......?" Tom wondered.

"We're fast," Jasper said.

"Really fast," Rosalie added.

"I guess so," Tom replied.

"What happened?" Emmet asked.

"I think she's unconscious," Tom answered.

"We have to get her to see Carlisle," Edward said.

"I'll help you," Emmet said.

He and Edward bent down to the ground. Out of all of us they were the strongest.

Emmet, Edward and Tom picked Karen up. She was unmoving.

"Alice, get the van started," Edward said.

"Ok."

She ran off.

"Bella, you tell her teachers she's sick."

"Ok."

"The rest of you come with me."

I ran off in the direction of the school.


	46. Chapter 46

**Karen**

It was later that night and instead of being at someone's house I was at the mall by myself. After recovering, Esme and Carlisle had decided I could go out.

I was walking in the mall. There weren't very many people around. Up ahead I spotted a department store which I made a beeline for.

Once inside, I tried to blend into the floor legnth gowns. The day had suddenly changed earlier to being cold and before I left the house I put on my stilettos and long black wool coat. I was still wearing my black gloves and my long blonde hair was tucked under the collar of my coat and under my black cloche. Everyone else in the store was bundled up as well. Because it was so cold many of the storeclerks had gone home early.

I took some scarves off the racks and hid them under several long gowns, which I draped over my arm. I made my way to the jewelry counter where I slipped several items into my long deep pockets. At several points I bent downn and scratched an invisible itch, putting some of the items in my boots.

I walked out of the store in the same manner and speed I'd come in.

When I was a few feet away someone called to me.

"Hey. You," he said.

I started walking faster.

"Cmere," the voice continued.

I walked faster, thinking it was either a storeclerk or a security gaurd. I wasn't looking where I was going and bumped into someone tall and muscled.

"I know who you are you go to my school. I met you that day at Brian's. Why did you run out on me that night? There's something I've been meaning to tell you," he continued.

He started unbuttoning the large round black buttons of my coat. I got up, and swung my legs in his direction. Dancing after school had given me strength in my legs I hadn't had before.

I then ran out of the mall and to the bus stop where I got on the bus to go downtown to the strip club where I worked. Once we arrived I walked hurriedly inside and into the club.

"Hey you ready to go?" Christy asked me.

"Um, hold on let me hang up my coat," I replied.

Melissa peered at me; "hey sweetie what's wrong?" she asked.

"Um, I, what?" I asked.

"You look upset."

"Oh. I, um, nothing."

I unbuttoned my coat and gave it to Melissa. I was already in my outfit. I followed Christy to the bar. We climbed onto the table. The music was already playing and Lauren and Renee were already dancing.


	47. Thursday: Hungover

**Thursday**

* * *

It was the next morning, Thursday, and I had snuck into the auditorium. It was the only place that was quiet. I was lying down backstage. My head was pounding and the general feeling of being sick kept interrupting my trying to sleep. My eyes were closed. I tried not to move as I was, once again, dizzy.

"Karen?" a quiet familiar voice said.

"Uhm. Y-yeah?"

"It's me."

"Uh. Me who?"

"Your brother."

"David?"

"Yeah. You ok?"

"Uh. Ugh. I'm sick."

"Had a bit too much to drink at the party?"

"Yeah."

"Hey honey," I heard Pamela's voice say.

"Hi. I need to talk to you."

"Ok."

I felt her sit down next to me on the hard stage.

"I'll go, sit in the back," David said.

Pamela must've nodded.

"What's wrong?" Pamela asked, taking my hand in hers.

"I think I'm hungover."

"How do you feel?"

"Well. Hungover."

"No, I mean more specifically."

"Oh. Um, like when if.......if I were to open my eyes the world, room.......whatever.......would be spinning. Really dizzy. And just generally sick."

"How much did you drink last night?"

"I really don't remember. 3, maybe 4?"

"Oh. You passed out several times. Once, from drinking."

"Oh. I was at the mall yesterday."

"Mmmhmm."

"I saw Ryan. he.....he tried to unbutton my coat. I ran to the......bus stop."

"Oh. Wow. He's not a good person to be around."

"I know that's what Brian said."

"Mmhmm. What else happened?"

"Well. I got some jewelry."

"Wow, how much?"

"I'll show you later.

"Ok."

"And....I had sex."

"Wow. How was it?"

"I was quite drunk, so, again."

"You really don't remember."

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"Would you.......stay with me?"

"Ok."


	48. Rosalie

**Rosalie**

It was the next morning, Thursday, before school. Edward, Bella, Alice, Jasper and I were at the door of the psychology teacher's class. She was at her desk getting things ready for her first class. She looked up when she sensed our presence.

"I don't have you for a few hours," she told us, confused.

"We know. But we need to speak with you," Edward said, sounding very much like Carlisle.

"Oh? What about?"

She got up from her desk and crossed the room to us.

"It's about Karen," Bella told her.

"Karen.....Brewer?" the teacher asked.

We nodded.

"We think, she might not be eating," Alice said.

"Oh. My. At all?"

"Well, we're not sure," Jasper said.

"Ok. Well, I have her in my class."

"We know," I said.

"I'll talk to her. And I'll also talk to the school counselor. After, I talk to Karen."

"Thank you," Edward said.

"You're welcome. I'll see you in class."

We left.


	49. Karen: Another Party

**Karen**

It was later that night. I was, once again, at a party at Brian's with the Cullens and my friends. The house was crowded and dark, so dark I could barely see. Having had a few drinks I'd become quite inebriated. I was ready to go home. The party had gone on for several hours.

Someone silently took my hand.

"Need a ride?" they whispered.

I nodded.

"Where to?"

"I....." I'd suddenly forgotten due to inebriation.

"My place?"

"Um. Sure."

We went out into the quiet cold dark. We got into a waiting car and drove away.


	50. Friday

**Friday**

* * *

"You want some breakfast?" the guy I'd met at the party asked the next morning, Friday.

"I couldn't eat a thing," I said.

My stomach was churning. That, and I really didn't want to eat.

"Ok, well, do you mind if I eat while I drive you to school?"

"No."

"Ok."


	51. Lunchtime

It was lunchtime. Pamela, Leslie, Max, Lauren, Christy and I were sitting at a round table in the crowded cafeteria. They were all eating. I, of course, wasn't. In homeroom that morning there'd been 2 announcements, one about the pep rally next week the other about the upcoming Halloween dance.

"Wow," Pamela said.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"What happened to your arms?"

"Oh, that. Yeah, the cuts."

"No. Not those. She means the other thing," Leslie said.

"Oh. Yeah, I met this girl at the party last night.....I think she shoots up. Told me she's an addict. And with the way things have been going lately....well...she and I got to talking and....she scared me, so."

"Oh. Wow," Max said.

"Yeah, I know. Oh hey."

"Yeah?"

"Do you think your sister would let me borrow some money?"

"Um, well, why?"

"Um, I.....kind of need birth control pills."

"For?" she asked.

"Well. At the party the other night....."

"Ohhhhh."

"Yeah."

"Sure, I'll ask her."

"Ok thank you."

"Uh huh."

"You know, Karen," Lauren said.

"Yeah?"

"You could be a model."

"Oh, um, thanks."

"We go to a modeling place after school. You could come with us, see what you think."

"Ok."


	52. Chapter 52

It was right after lunch and we'd all gone to our lockers.

As I opened mine a white piece of paper fell out onto the tile floor.

I bent down to pick it up, stood back up and opened it.

'I'm watching you' it said in typed black letters.

Nothing else was written on it.

"Hey," a voice said.

I jumped, slightly.

"Sorry," the guy said.

I recognized Edward's smooth voice.

"Hi," I said.

"What's that?" he asked, peering over my shoulder at the paper.

"Oh, just, a note."

"Who's it from?"

"Idinno, doesn't say. It's not signed or anything."

I hadn't folded the note back up. When it had fallen out of my locker it had been folded into thirds.

"Wow," Edward said after reading it.

"Yeah. I'm kind of paranoid."

"They want you to be."

"Well. Thanks, for pointing that out."

"Sorry."

"You're......probably right."

"Ok. Did the psychology teacher talk to you yet?"

"No, why?"

"Oh, you'll find out soon enough."

"Ok."

He left.

The note wasn't the only reason I was paranoid. Apparently, one of the side effects from getting high so often was that you were paranoid. I always had to check my eyes each morning, from that and the drinking, to make sure they looked ok. I'd started keeping mini vodka bottles everywher;my locker, my room, my boots, my coat and other such places.


	53. Chapter 53

It was later that day and Pamela, Leslie, Lauren, Christy and I were at the modeling place. They were in the dressing room, sitting on the long white rectangular leather couches, eating snacks and drinking lemonade and water. I was sitting against the door in one of the white bathroom.

My film canister was lying on its side to my right. My arms were lined with cuts and track marks but there were still some open places.

I reached into my film canister and took out the razorblade.

As I cut I thought about things.

Over the past few days and weeks I'd not only started cutting but also started shooting up, thanks to the girl I'd met at the party, and having drunken sex with random guys. I never thought, after this summer, I'd be having sex. But when you're drunk, you don't think about those kind of things. Well. You don't think anyhow.

I'd spend the summer in California. Santa Monica, to be exact. Left right after middle school graduation. I knew something had changed but I wasn't sure what. Santa Monica had been bright, warm and sunny and seemed so far away right now.

My brother David drove me there and then returned back to Connecticut. He was the only one who knew what happened.

But now, a few months later, Pamela knew, and I think Christy suspected something. I never thought Pamela and I would end up being friends.......or more.

When we were little, Hannah, Nancy and I said we'd be friends forever. That had changed.

I hadn't seen Amanda at all. Back in middle school, she'd told us shed be going to the same high school we were all going to.

I never thought high school would be this hard. And it wasn't even winter break yet.


	54. Chapter 54

**Saturday**

* * *

It was early Saturday morning and I was at the mall. I'd stopped by Starbucks where I'd bought chai tea which I'd sipped while waiting for the stores to open. They'd opened at 9. I'd finished my tea and had gone to Claire's where I'd gotten some earrings then the bookstore and music store. I was now sitting on one of the dark brown leather chairs by the department store, waiting for more people to go in.

The weather had turned cold, gray, cloudy and gloomy. It had snowed overnight.

My mom and stepdad had left Wednesday overnight to go see my mom's cousin, who'd moved to London. They were staying for at least a week. The only people at home were myself, David and our sisters Emily and Grace. Kristy was away at college and Sam was living in New York with his wife Stacey, who was Kristy's friend. Kristy's other friends Mary Anne, Claudia, Dawn, Mallory and Shannon were elsewhere. The only ones who'd stayed here were Abby and Logan. Logan and Mary Anne had been dating but were now broken up. Mary Anne was in Germany, Claudia was studying art in Japan, Dawn was in California, Mallory was at boarding school, Jessi was at a ballet school in London and Shannon was in France. I hadn't gotten a chance yet to ask Kristy if Stacey knew Cassandra.

About an hour later a bunch of people were in the department store. I stood up and went in. As soon as I got to the jewelry counter I started filling my boots and coat with jewelry, then disappeared to another section of the store where the clothes were. The clerk at the jewelry counter had been busy talking on the phone.


	55. Chapter 55

It was later that same day. I'd gone home and put what I'd gotten at the department store in my closet. David was off somewhere and Emily and Grace were at friends' houses.

I was now at the ice skating rink, skating. I skated along the wall, putting my foot behind me and pushed forward. I did the same thing with the other foot then let go of the wall and did a few pirouettes. Taking dance after school and working at the club had definately helped.

The large rink was cold and crowded with people. Families, couples, children and people my age. There was one group of guys and girls Kristy's age.

"Hey, good job," I heard a voice call.

I whirled around and saw Tom skating up to me.

"Hey, thanks," I said.

"You're welcome. I never knew you were a skater. I recorded someof it."

He held up his digital camera.

"You know, for the project?" he reminded me.

"Oh. Yeah."

"You wanna take a break?" he asked.

"Ok."

We skated off the rink and onto the benches where we sat down and unlaced our skates.

"Ow," I said, picking up my foot and rubbing my ankle.

"You alrite?" Tom asked.

"Yeah. This, always happens when I skate."

"Yeah, me too. how long you been skating for?"

"Well, I'd always liked it and always went every winter."

"Oh. How'd you learn to be so...good?"

I smiled; "thanks."

"Mmhmm."

"Well, I taught myself, mostly. And taking dance after school's helped."

"Mmmhmm."

"But when I was little my friend Natalie's grandmother taught us. She's from Russia and still teaches dance and skating."

"Wow."

"Yeah she's in her 60s. Her, grandmother, I mean."

"Yeah I got that."

"Oh."

I took my skates off, laced them together and started putting my stilettos on.

"Awesome boots," Tom said.

"Thanks, they're for my work."

"Oh, where do you work?"

"At a club downtown."

"With Pamela, Christy and Lauren?"

I nodded.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"How 'bout some how chocolate?" Tom asked.

"Oh I, uh, don't have that much money on me....." I replied.

"Oh I'll buy."

"Wow thank you."

"Mmmhmm."


	56. Chapter 56

**Monday**

It was Monday morning. I was sitting against my locker drinking wine out of a small bottle. I'd gotten sent out of homeroom because the teacher knew I was high and out of science class because the science teacher could tell I was drunk. No one else was in the hallway.

A white paper folded in thirds fell to the floor. I picked it up and opened it. On it was typed 'rendescvouz at the mall?'.

This gave me a clue as to who the note leaver was. Ryan. He'd been at the mall that day when he tried to unbutton my coat. The other clue I had was that the notes were left in my locker which was at school. So it had to be someone who went to the same school I went to. I knew Ryan did.

As far as I knew, beside myself, the only one who knew about the first note was Edward.


	57. Chapter 57

**Tuesday**

* * *

It was some time the next day. The first thing I saw when I woke up was a dark purple netting in a circle above my head. Around the netting were those glow in the dark adhesive stars. They were stuck to the white walls. My hands touched something velvet. The room was warm and I smelled something warm and familiar coming from somewhere.

"Hi honey how'd you sleep?" I heard a female voice ask.

"Ok," I said.

A thin long pale hand brushed aside a dark purple velvet curtain.

I looked to my left and saw the girl that had given me a ride the previous night.

"Omygod!" I said, getting up frantically and looking around for an alarm clock.

"Yes?" she asked, smiling.

"I'm late for school! What time is it?"

"Tuesday afternoon."

"Oh god."

I lied back against the pilows.

"I've missed almost an entire day of school."

"It's ok. I told Alice to tell Bella to talk to your teachers and tell them you were sick."

"Oh. Ok."

"Would you like something to drink?"

"Um ok."

She handed me a black mug. I took it.

"Here," she said.

The liquid inside smelled warm and spicy. I sipped it. It was the exact same liquid I'd sipped at the Cullens a few weeks back.

"This is the exact thing I had at..." I began.

"The Cullens?" the girl asked.

"Yeah how'd you-?"

"Know?"

I nodded; "yeah."

"Carlisle taught me how to make it."

"Oh."


	58. Chapter 58

**Wednesday**

* * *

It was early Wednesday morning before school. Edward and I were in the park.

"So have you gotten any more notes?" he asked.

"Yeah, one."

I pulled the second one out. Edward read it.

"You know this guy?" he asked, looking at me.

"Yeah, I think so."

Edward waited.

"You know Ryan?"

Edward nodded.

"I think it's him."

"Oh.

"Yeah. We ran into each other at the mall the other day. Well, actually, he ran into me. He wanted to......."

I filled him in on what had happened.


	59. Chapter 59

It was later that night and Pamela and I were in Brian's parents room, on their bed. Another party was going on downstairs. There were 2 glasses of red wine on the light wooden nightstand.

"A lot's happened," she said.

"Yeah. Hey, I got another note."

I pulled it out and spread it on the bed between us.

"Wow," Pamela said after reading it.

"Yeah I know," I said, sinking back into the pillows.

"You alrite?" she asked, turning and looking at me.

"Yeah just a bit lightheaded."

"Oh. Ok."

"You think it's from Ryan?"

"Um. What?"

"The, note."

"Oh. From Ryan?"

"Yeah."

"Um, yeah, I think so."

"You sure you're ok hun?" Pamela asked.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Ok. Hey listen."

"Yeah?"

"Max was wondering if you'd join her."

"Join her........?"

"Downtown."

"Oh. Um sure."

"Ok."


	60. Chapter 61

**Thursday**

It was the next day, Thursday. I was at school walking down the hall to my locker.

A teacher was walking down the hall toward me. Her hair was long and dark.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi," I said, to be polite.

"Do you have plans for lunch?" she asked me, coming closer.

She smelled of something exotic.

"Um, why?"

"I was wondering," she said, coming behind me, "if you'd like to go to lunch."

"With you?"

"Yes," she whispered, bringing her hand up and brushing my hair to one side; "with me."

"Um."

"Cmon. You look like you could use some lunch."


	61. Chapter 62

**Friday**

* * *

It was early Friday morning, still dark. I was home and had snuck into the kitchen. I was really hungry. I opened the cabinets and pulled out everything I could find; rice, crackers, beans, cookies, Nutella and pasta. Then I opened the fridge and pulled out fruit, pudding, brownies and yogurt. I opened the beans and stuck them in the microwave. While they were cooking I ate everything but the pasta. After I was done eating that I ate the entire can of beans and after that, cooked the pasta and ate it.

I felt horrible and fat after I was done.

I decided to take a shower. I went upstairs, down the hall and into my bathroom where I closed and locked the door. i turned the water on very hot. I then stripped and stepped into the tub. When it was filled I went under the water, taking a razor blade with me.


	62. Chapter 63

It was Friday and I was at school. Pamela, Leslie, Christy and I were all sitting in homeroom.

"Omygod," Pamela said.

"Yeah?"

"You're all........pink."

"What happened?" Leslie asked, peering at me.

"Did you do something?" Christy asked.

"Yeah I,.....kinda had a bad night."

"Oh."

Edward appeared at my side with a bottle of aloe.

"Here," he said; "it's from Carlisle's aloe plant."

"Wow thanks," I said.


	63. Chapter 64

**Monday**

It was Monday. I was in art class, drawing. To my right was a guy also drawing. I was drawing spiders and bones in various arrangements. He was drawing 3 young women who all looked alike. The one on the left had thick black hair, the one on the right shiny curled red hair and the one in the middle was bald. They all had small faces. He was taller than I, with light hair and a beard.

"Wow," I said; "they're beautiful."

"Thanks. And she," the guy said.

"Hmm?"

"It's one person."

"Oh."

"My sister."

"Oh," I said, with a note of understanding.

"So. Bones."

"Yeah. They're beautiful. Elegant," I explained.

"They also indicate something more," he said.

He meant that when someone my size draws bones, it's not just for the sake of drawing. Art's a form of communication and he saw and got that.

"Would you like to go to lunch?" he asked.

"Oh I'm, not looking to date anyone," I replied.

"I asked you to lunch. Not _out_."

"Oh."

"Or, coffee."

"Sure, coffee sounds good."

"Ok. When?"

"Um."

I made a snap decision; "after this class."

"Ok."

A few minutes later the bell rang. The class stood up and collected their things.

"So where's your car?" I asked the guy as we headed out.

"Oh we can walk it's not far," he answered.

"Um ok."

"So you from here?"

"Yes, and you?"

"Well, Rhode Island, originally. Then I moved to L.A., then went to an art school in New York and then came here."

"Oh. Wow."

I was a little surprised by the number of places he'd lived.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I guess I'm still a bit shaken up."

"It's ok. About?"

"My sister."

"Oh. The one in the picture?"

He nodded; "yeah I have 2. Or, _had_, 2."

"Oh. Y'know, um..." I realised I didn't know his name.

"Jesse," he told me.

"Yeah, Jesse. I'm not really that hungry."

"You sure? You look thin."

"Well. Thanks for pointing that out."

"I'm sorry, uh."

"Karen," I told him.

"Karen. I guess I'm just a lot more aware of these things ever since..."

"Ever since what?"

"Nothing."

_Okkkk_. I wondered where he was going with that statement.

"Is that your natural hair?" Jesse asked.

I nodded.

"Wow. It's beautiful."

_Beautiful so beautiful_, I heard his voice say.

"Um..."

"Something wrong?" Jesse asked, peering at me.

"Um. I'm just, sensitive about my hair."

"Or lack thereof," he mumbled.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing. I'll even pay."

"Er, pay?"

"For...if, you want something at the cafe."

"Oh."

If. He'd said if. I had a choice.

"Wow," I said.

"Yeah?"

"You said if."

"Yes. I did."

"I have a choice."

"Well Karen...a lot of people don't. My sister didn't," he explained.

"Oh. Wow. I'm sorry."

I was apologizing because I understood what it was like to not have a choice when it came to your health and how unfair that was.

"Thanks. Me too."

"Why are you sorry?"

"For you."

"Wow. Thank you."

I was surprised.

"Sure."

By now we were walking down the hall.

"Oh god," I said.

Jesse looked at me; "yes?"

"I can't breathe."

"Anxiety?"

"I. No. Something else."

"Ok. Don't panic."

"Um."

"I know it's counterintuitive and hard not to. Do you need to sit down?"

"Yeah, I do, actually."

"Ok."

We came to the metal lockers. Jesse helped me sit down on the floor, then stood back up.

"Try to breathe. I'm going to go get you some water. Stay here ok?" he told me, looking at me.

"I. Ok."

I leaned back against the metal lockers. He walked down the hall.

He was so nice and the first one who had taken such an interest in my eating habits, or lack thereof. It was incredibly touching. Tears started streaming down my face.

Down the hall I saw him talking with my psychology teacher. I think they were talking about me as they both kept looking at me.

Jesse came down the hall, holding a small paper cup of water. The teacher went down the hall the other way.

Jesse reached me, sat on the floor next to me and handed me the water.

"Here. Drink this," he told me.

i lifted the cup to my lips and took a sip. Then another and another.

"Thirsty?" he asked.

"Yeah I guess," I gasped.

"Don't push yourself. Slow down."

I handed the cup to him.

He noticed the tears.

"Hey," he said softly, "what's wrong?"

"You're just so...nice."

"Most people aren't this nice?"

"Well. Most people don't take such an interest."

"Oh. Yeah, I know how that is. I know what it's like to know someone that's sick."

"I...wow."

I was, again, surprised.

"When was the last time you ate something?" he asked.

"Early this morning. I ate a lot."

"Ok. Have you been eating?"

"I. No."

"Which is why you ate so much."

"I'm sorry," I said, suddenly embarrassed.

"It's ok. I don't want you to end up like my sister."

"Oh."

Jesse pulled some tissues out of his backpack and handed them to me. We stood up and walked down the hall.


	64. Chapter 65

"Y'know, she didn't think she was," Jesse told me, opening the door of the coffee shop for me.

"Who?" I asked, following the people in front of us.

"My sister. I don't know that she ever felt beautiful except when she was at the dance. And then....."

"Wow. That's really sad."

"Yeah. It is. Your comment would mean, uh, _would've_, meant, a lot to her."

"The one about the picture?"

"Uh huh."

Jesse filed in after me.

"So what do you want?" he asked me.

We both looked up at the menu set on the wall.

"Um......chai tea and......"

"And?" jesse asked, guessing I wanted something more.

I wandered over to the pastry case while Jesse ordered. The coffee shop smelled wonderful and warm and was filled with the sound of chatter. Outside was cold.

I spotted a large, dark brown chocolate muffin through the pastry window. Next to it was a small tray of white triangle scones.

_It's ok_, a voice told me. _You can have the muffin_.

"Karen?" Jesse asked.

"Hmm?"

"Um."

"Oh."

I stood back up.

"Yeah, a chocolate muffin and........3 scones," I told the cashier.

"Ok," he replied.

"Did you get my tea?" I asked Jesse.

He nodded; "yeah. Why don't you go find a seat? I'll be right there."

"Ok."

I turned and found a seat.

It was scary, knowing I'd be eating for the first time in awhile.


	65. Chapter 66

A few minutes later Jesse came over with our food.

"Here you go miss," he said, sliding the muffin, scones and chai tea onto the dark wooden table in front of me.

"Thank you," I said.

"Mmhmm."

He went around and sat down at the dark wooden bench across the table from me. In front of him was a cup of coffee and a large croissant.

"Wow," I said, staring at the bread, "that looks really good."

I then realised I was staring.

"Sorry," I apologised, "I'm just."

"Starving?" Jesse guessed, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Um. Yeah."

"Oh. It's ok. I've seen you around. Mainly downtown. In school. At parties."

"Um. Wow."

I was surprised and felt invaded.

"Oh, don't worry. I'm not stalking you or anything. But we _do_ go to the same school."

"Right."

"And I spend a lot of time downtown. Always have, even when I was living in L.A."

"Oh."

"And the parties, well. I like to find inspiration for my drawings."

"Oh."

"You're also very pretty. Beautiful, even," Jesse told me.

"I."

I knew the right thing to say was, the right thing to do, was thank him.

"What?" Jesse asked.

"I don't like being pretty."

"Is that why you don't eat?" he asked, a note of understanding in his voice; "because something happened?"

I nodded and stared down at the table; "yeah. I was."

"It's ok. You don't have to tell me. If you don't want to."

"I was violated."

"Sexually I'm guessing."

I breathed.

"Yeah."

It was the first time I'd admitted it outloud.

"Wow. Karen, I hate to tell you this but...pretty is something you can't help."

"He loved my hair. They did."

"There's more than 1."

"Yeah."

"Beauty comes in all forms," Jesse told me; "I remember...the day my mom shaved off her hair to show my sister that bald can be beautiful."

"What happened to your sister?"

"She died. When she was 16."

"Omygod wow."

"Exactly. I'm not going to let that happen to you."

"Wow," I said softly.

I took a sip of my tea. The warm spicy liquid slid down my throat.


	66. Chapter 67

"And then what?" I asked.

"Hmm?" Jesse asked, coming out of his daydream.

"You said, the only time your sister felt pretty was at the dance and then.....you didn't say anything else."

"Oh. Well she died shortly after. That night was the night she and her boyfriend consumated their love."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Then he died. too."

"Wow."

"She grew very depressed. Anna, she's my other sister, Anna told me about when she found Kate........."

"Kate?"

"She's the one who died."

"Oh. Yeah. Anna and my parents still live back in L.A."

"Oh."

"Yeah, got my own place here."

"Wow."

"Yeah. I like your earrings," Jesse said.

He was referring to the pearl earrings I'd picked up at the department store.

"Thanks."

"Where'd you get them?"

"Department store."

"Oh. Looks like we have ourselves a snow day."

He looked out the window. I followed his gaze. Outside, snow was falling.

"Yeah," I said.

I slowly unwrapped my muffin and put it in my mouth. As I took a bite my legs hurt.

"Omygod this is really good," I said.

Jesse merely smiled.

"Ow."

"Yes?" he asked.

"My legs hurt."

"Your body needs nutrients," he told me, locking eyes with me.

"Oh. Is that why.......?"

"Yes, Karen. That's why."


	67. Chapter 68

When I got home I noticed there was a large manilla envelope on the marble and mahogany table in our entryway. My mom was standing by the table which had a marble tabletop.

"What are you doing home in the middle of the day?" she asked.

I looked outside. My mom followed my gaze.

"Snow day," I said.

"Oh. A package came for you."

She indicated the envelope.

"Oh."

I picked the envelope up off the table and climbed the large, white, carpeted stairs, went down the hall and into my room where I closed the door. I sat on my bed, opened the envelope and spread its contents on my bedspread. All the contents were photographs of me naked.

"Omygod!" I yelled, stuffing the photos back in the envelope.

I got my small black film canister and ran out of my room, down the hall, down the stairs, through the front entryway and out the door, bringing the envelope with me and not bothering to grab my coat, even though it was snowing outside, which was cold, windy and white. Across the street I spotted Jesse walking down the snow covered sidewalk wearing a black down coat. I frantically opened the film canister, took the razorblade out and started cutting, the blood dripping down my arms and onto the snow. The falling snow stung my cuts. I started walking down the snow covered sidewalk, going the way Jesse had come.

"What the hell are you doing outside without a coat? And where are you going?" he called.

"Downtown," I replied.

"Why?"

"Why do you think?"

"You don't work during the day."

"Well, this day I am. Today I am."

He walked across the snow covered street tome.

"We need to get you a coat," he told me.

He took off his and gave it to me to put on, which I did. He was wearing black pants, hiking boots and a black, long sleeve sweater.

I continued walking down the sidewalk.

He went into my house. A few minutes later he came back with my coat which he handed to me.

"Here, put this on," he told me.

I did.

"This isn't what you want," he said; "I know this is what you think you want. But it's not."

I continued walking down the sidewalk; "how do you know what I want?"

"We need to get you inside before you get hypothermia. C'mere."

A few minutes later we'd arrived at the coffee shop we'd visited earlier that day. Just as before it was warm and people filled. We were sitting across from each other, in a booth.

"Karen," Jesse said.

"Yeah?" I asked.

He locked eyes with me. His eyes were a deep brown.

"I want you to set the razorblade on the table. I'm not going to do anything with it I just want it on the table."

"Ok," I said.

Jesse took out a tissue from some nonexistent place and set it in the middle of the table. I opened my film canister and shook the razorblade out onto the tissue. I dropped the canister onto the table.

He pulled out some more tissues and gave them to me. I put them on my cuts.

"Ok," he said softly, "what happened?"

"I recieved a package in the mail containing photos of me," I answered.

"Naked?"

"Yes, naked!" I cried.

A few people in the coffee shop turned their heads and looked at me.

"Shhh," Jesse whispered.

He put his hands on the table near mine, silently asking if it was ok. I shook my head. He pulled his hands back.

"Do you know who sent the photos?" he asked me.

I nodded; "I think it's Ryan. I've been getting notes from him. I've gotten 3 so far. I think he's stalking me."

"Wow. Hey, hold on."

"Ok."

Jesse stood up and left the table. A few minutes later he retuned with 2 steaming mugs of hot chocolate, one of which he put in front of me. The other he set on the table in front of him. I could see the steam rising from the top. He sat back down.

"I thought you were only a coffee guy," I observed.

"Well. I like chocolate as well."

"Oh."

"Karen," he asked quietly, "what is this really about?"

"Well...you already know I cut."

"Mmmhmm."

He nodded; "I can spot track marks on your arms as well."

"Yes," I confirmed; "I also...shoot up."

"Damn," he swore under his breath; "heroin?"

I nodded.

"For how long?"

"Well, a few weeks ago, I met this girl at a party..."

"Mmhmm."

"She smoked. At first, I declined, when she'd ask. But then after awhile..."

"Right. You took it up."

"Yeah. Not only did she smoke but she also..."

"Shot up," Jesse said, realising.

He was starting to put the pieces together.

I nodded; "yeah. Oh, and I'm not a virgin anymore."

"Because of the sexual violation."

"Well yeah, that too."

"And your job downtown."

"Yeah. But lately, seems every time I'm at a party..."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

I told him everything that had happened so far.


	68. Jesse

**Jesse**

When I got home that night I checked my email. I scrolled down the list, seeing several from my parents and my friends from art school. There was one from Anna and one from an address I didn't recognize. I opened it. It was from Karen. I read it and then got up. I threw on my coat and shoved my large feet into my hiking boots. I grabbed my keys and phone and headed out the door of my place and downtown. When I got there, I walked up and down several frozen white alleyways, shining my phone along the snow piles. I was searching for Karen's clothes. After about an hour of doing so I found her unconscious on her long black wool coat, which was on a pile of snow. She was covered in bruises, cuts, scar and track marks. I took off my coat and put it around her. I lifted her up. She was light. I flipped open my phone and called a cab company. After a few minutes the cab arrived. I opened the second side door, the one behind the passenger side, and slipped Karen into the backseat. I got into the front with the coat she'd been wearing. I gave the cabby, who was Mexican, my address and we drove to my place. When we arrived I paid the cabby then got out of the cab. I went to the back where I brought Karen into my house and set her on the white living room couch, which had washable cushions. I went back outside and closed the door I'd left open. I leaned into the passenger side and gave the cabby an extra 20, even though I'd already paid him 40. The 20 was for Karen. The cabby took it. I closed the door. The cabby drove off.

I turned and walked back into my house. Once inside I closed the front door and went into the bathroom, where I turned the hot water on. I got Karen out of her clothes, trying not to look at her. I told her what I was doing as I was doing it, though she probably wouldn't remember when she woke up. I doubted she remembered shooting up or drinking. Or cutting, she was so plowed. i left her clothes in the living room and brought her into the bathroom, where i put her carefully in the now filled bathtub. i turned the water off and left the bathroom, closing the door behind me.

I went back to the living room where I gathered her clothes and the sofa cushions. I went down the hall where I put them in the washing machine and started the laundry. I then went upstairs to my room, where I resumed reading my email.

As I skimmed down the list I saw some emails from Kate and a few from my friends back in art school. They were from all over; Paris, London, Orlando and New York, among other places. They all wanted me to come visit them. We'd been keeping in contact over the past few years.


	69. Chapter 70

Several hours later I woke up surrounded by water. I looked around and realised I was in a bathroom. But it wasn't mine. I knew this much, as awful as I felt. I heard heavy footsteps come down the hall and scanned the room for the nearest wepon. I spotted a black men's razor to the right of the sink. I tried to stand up to get it but found I couldn't, as I was dizzy. I collapsed back into the tub, splashing water.

A knock came on the door.

"Karen?" Jesse asked.

"Yeah?" I returned.

"You awake?"

"Um. Yeah. God I feel like hell."

"Yeah. Well, you looked like hell too."

"You.....you saw me? Oh my god!"

"You were passed out on a mound of snow, very scandily clad, Karen. What the fuk was I supposed to do?" Jesse countered.

"Oh."

"My god. How much did you have to drink?"

"I was that out of it?"

No wonder I felt awful.

"Yeah. You were pretty conked."

"Oh."

I skimmed the room and noticed my clothes weren't there.

"Where are my clothes?" I asked.

"They're in the dryer when your'e ready for them."

"Oh. Well. What am I supposed to wear untill then?"

"Ill get you one of my sister's robes, you're about the same size. I'll also get you some water. I'll leave it in the hallway."

"The robe or the water?"

"Both."

"Ok."


	70. Chapter 71

**Tuesday**

**

* * *

**

**Karen**

It was Wednesday, the first day of the week I'd been at school. It was also October. Yesterday, Tuesday, I'd spent the entire day in Jesse's bathroom, too dizzy to move. The night before, which was Monday, I'd woken up in his living room covered by a blanket. I didn't remember much of the past 2 days. It'd been snowing since Monday. The days had turned cold and gray, with the exception of the white snow everywhere. My stepfather and mother had turned mean, hitting, bruising and yelling at me. I guess that's why I escaped. According to Jesse, my escape plan was that evidently I'd gone downtown, and somehow always ended up at his place. I still drank, cut, shot up, smoked. Didn't eat. My legs still hurt. I still felt dizzy...had cuts, bruises and track marks up and down my arms. That much hadn't changed.

It was lunchtime. The hallway was empty. I opened my locker and looked inside. Something was missing...my razors, condoms, birth control pills and mini liquor bottles.

"Omygod," I whispered, to no one.


	71. Chapter 72

I sensed someone walking down the hallway towards me. I smelled him a few seconds before he reached me. He smelled like a mixture of smoke and cologne.

"Hey," Jesse said, "I just had a crazy idea."

"Yeah?" I asked, turning to him.

"You want to go on a road trip?"

"But we have...school. And my jobs," I replied; "we can't do this."

"It's ok. I told your teachers you were too sick to go back to school. And both Melissa and Max agreed you could use some time off."

"Wow that was quick."

I as surprised with how quickly he'd arranged all this.

"Yeah I know. So do you want to go?" he asked.

"Um, sure, ok. I'll need to pack...leave a note for David...where we goin?"

"Wherever the wind takes us. So dress accordingly."

"When?"

"Right. Now," Jesse told me, a gleam in his now silver eyes.

We walked down the hall, the stairs and into the cold. Once we reached the parking lot we got into Jesse's waiting black jeep and drove off.


	72. Chapter 73

"Hey," I said to Jesse.

He glanced at me through the rearview mirror of my dad's large white van.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Do your eyes change color?"

"You're very observant. Yeah, they do."

"Wow."

We were driving across the state of Connecticut. We'd passed dead trees and snow, lots of snow. Jesse didn't have much stuff but I had quite a bit, which was all in the van. We'd brought blankets as well in case we got stuck. Jesse knew where the hospitals were along the way to wherever it is we were going.....wherever that was. I didn't know. He knew where the hospitals were if something happened to me.

"Both my mom and Kate had blue eyes while Anna had brown. Our dad had brown. Has."

"Had?" I asked.

"You know that Kate died," Jesse reminded me.

"Right. You said Anna had.......brown......eyes."

"Oh jeez."

He rounded a corner.

"About a year before Kate died, Anna died."

"Oh. wow. I'm sorry."

He shrugged, his shoulders moving up and down as he gripped the black leather wheel, the same material my prostitution outfit had been made of.

"Eh, it's ok," he told me.

His eyes flicked back to the road in front of him.

"Jesse," I said, inching forward, my arms on my thighs, my fingers together.

I leaned forward.

"You're not made of granite. It's ok to feel something......sometimes," I said.

"Funny. Someone once told my mom the same thing. My aunt, actually. You want some free advice?" he asked me.

"Well. no, Not really."

"I'm going to give it to you anyway; take your own advice."

We drove in silence for about an hour after that. The thing with being on a road trip was that if you're angry with someone, you can't go somewhere else.

I hated to admit it but he was right. I'd numbed myself for so long with drugs and cuts and alcohol and promisciouty, that..........I didn't know what feelings felt like anymore. I didn't know what _life_ felt like. And whatever I did feel was pain, either physical or emotional. Anguish. Sometimes both.

And if all you feel is pain you don't want to feel any more.

You don't want to feel what you expect. You want to feel something different.


	73. Chapter 74

Something ran through my fingers itching my emotions. I remembered the blood pooling across my thighs. I leaned down to the floor of the van, my long blonde hair falling across my face. I felt around on the dark floor, which was soft, untill I found my sketchbook and the pencil next to it. I brought myself up and positioned myself against the side of the van, my legs up, my drawing pad resting on my thighs. I turned to a clean page and started drawing, the pencil skimming across the page.

Right before the trip Jesse had given me a sketchbook, one of his. It didn't have any drawings in it at the time. But now it did, some of mine.

"Hey," he said.

"Yeah?" I said, flicking my eyes upward.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"The thing about advice?"

"Yeah."

"No, actually."

I set the pad to my right, swung my legs onto the floor and leand forward.

"You're right," I continued; "I've numbed myself for so long, with ....."

"Drugs and alcohol," Jesse put in.

"Yeah, that........I didn't know what feelings felt like. Any more. I didn't know what _life_ felt like."

"I know."


	74. Chapter 75

"What do your parents do?" I asked, after awhile.

"My dad's a firefighter."

"And your mom?"

"Is now back to being a lawyer."

"Back to?"

"Yeah. When Kate got sick, which was basically the time she was born, my mom stopped working to take care of her."

"Wow."

"Yeah but then Kate died and my mom......."

"Could go back to work again," I finished.

"What do your parents do?"

"Hit me. Bruise me," I joked cynically.

Jesse cracked a smile.

"Um, actuallly my mom's also a lawyer. My dad works at a bookstore. Ever since his heart attack he's had to slow down some."

Jesse nodded; "mmhmm."

"And I'm not too sure what my stepfather does. Although, I don't really _want_ to know."

"Right, of course."

Jesse glanced down at the odometer.

"Shit," he whispered; "hey, I gotta stop and get gas. You want anything?"

"Um."

i was starting to feel a little dizzy.

"Yeah. Maybe."

"Ok."

Within a few minutes we'd arrived at the nearest gas station.


	75. Chapter 76

**Wednesday**

It was the next day, Thursday, and we were by the border.

"We're going to have to leave the van here," Jesse told me.

"Why?" I asked, confused.

"Because, Karen, no one drives in the city unless you're a cabby."

"Which city?"

"New York. City."

I couldn't believe it.

"How're we gettin there?" I asked.

"Oh, we'll take a cab."

"With all my crap?"

"Yeah I got money. And so do you as I recall."

"Oh. Ok."

We parked the van, got out and Jesse called a cab company. He told the guy who answered the phone where we were.

"It'll take about an hour to drive into the city."

"Ok."

"I got a friend we can stay with. Well, we can stay at his place as he won't be there. I met him in art school."

"Ok."

The cab came within the next hour. We loaded all my stuff into the trunk and backseat of the cab. We got into the cab and drove off.


	76. Chapter 77

When we arrived in the city all I could see was snow covering large tall white buildings. Gray birds flew across the gray clouds in the colorless air. Even in the dead of winter there were people walking up and down the sidewalks.

"Omygod," I said, taken aback by it all.

"Ever been to the city?" Jesse asked.

"Um, once, when I was little. I also lived in Chicago for a bit."

"Yeah, the city's a great place. There's so much to do. It's like downtown but.....bigger."

I leaned forward and peered out the fog covered windows.

"Wow," I said, looking up; "I don't want to miss a thing."

"That's what Aerosmith said," Jesse observed.

The buildings were taller than any I'd ever seen before.

Jesse leaned forward and gave the cabby directions.

I saw more small birds in the sky.

"Look, pigeons!" I pointed out.

"Yeah," Jesse said.

Pretty soon we pulled up in front of what I presumed was a large tenement building.

"Omygod," i said, as Jesse opened my door for me.

I got out and looked up at the tall white building.

"Is this where we're staying?"

"Well, not the entire building. But yes. I feel I must warn you though that it's a walk up. He lives on the 4th floor."

I looked at Jesse; "4th floor? Are you serious?"

Then around at the black suitcases laid on their sides on the snow covered sidewalk.

"We'll help you with your stuff," Jesse told me.

"Oh ok."

Jesse and I paid, the cabby who waited. We rolled our suitcases as close to the building as we could. To our left was a wall of bars with big black plastic trash bags in it.

Jesse went up the 2 large long gray cement steps and into the building. I followed.

"People don't lock their doors?" I asked.

"No, not their front ones it's too much of a hassle."

"Oh."

The floor was wooden. In front of us were gray wooden steps that narrowed to triangles on one side. To our left was a set of small silver mailboxes.

"Hey Jess," a voice called down; "that you?"

"Yeah Mark it's me."

"Well c'mon up."

"Would you come down and help us with our stuff?"

"Ok. Us? You got a girl down there?"

"No she's......a friend."

"Oh. Be right down."

"You're disturbing the neighbors," I voiced my thoughts.

"They don't speak English."

"Oh."

The smell of fish wafted down the stairs.

After a few minutes we heard heavy footsteps come down the stairs. When the guy reached us I could see he was tall and had short dark hair.

"Jesse, hey, good to see you," he said.

They hugged in an awkward guy hug then stepped back.

"I thought you were leaving," Jesse told the guy.

"Yeah I actually do have to go. Um, the only food I have is soup, beans and pasta, so. Oh, and beer. And.......oh, hi."

It was then that the guy noticed me.

"Hi," I said quietly.

"I'm Mark. I know Jesse from art school."

"Yeah, he mentioned he had a friend, from....art. school."

"At a loss for words there Karen?" Jesse asked me, smiling.

"Um. What? Yeah hi I'm.....Karen," I told Mark.

"I figured, being that you're the only female here."

"Oh right so I am."

Mark turned and looked outside.

"Oh. Your stuff," he said.

He went out the door.

"You like him," Jesse whispered.

I smiled, pushing my lips into each other. Then smiled again and looked down shyly.

Mark came back with 1 suitcase in each hand, snow dusted on each one and on him.

"I'll get these 2," Mark said, brushing past me.

He smelled of cologne.

He disappeared up the stairs.

"Scuse me," Jesse said, going past me.

He went out the door.


	77. Chapter 78

**Thursday**

It was the next day, Friday. Jesse and I were hanging out in Mark's place.

He was in the bedroom drawing and I was in the living room, flipping through the channels on the tv.

Outside, it wasn't snowing. Mark had left the previous day for the airport. He took the same cab we'd taken into the city. I had chosen to sleep in the bedroom where I knew I could lock the door if need be. That left Jesse the living room couch to sleep on.

At the opposite end of the apartment from the bedroom was the small white bathroom. Then the kitchen with a stove. There was a microwave plugged in by the tv, which was resting on a trivet on a table. 4 wooden cabinets were above the stove. To the right side of the stove was the sink. The fridge was also in the kitchen. Across from the tv was a long rectangle coffee table with wrought iron legs and a glass tabletop. Behind the coffee table was a long white rectangular couch.

The bedroom only had room for a large double bed covered with a large white down comforter, a desk and a chair in front of the desk. The front door had 4 locks.

I turned to an _I Love Lucy_ rerun. I was starting to get hungry and went up to get something from the cabinets, leaving the remote on the couch.

"My sister loved that show," Jesse told me.

"What?" I called back, my eyes skimming the open cabinet.

"My sisters, actually. They loved."

"Oh, _I Love Lucy_?"

"Yeah."

There was a pause. My eyes skimmed the cabinets but nothing looked appetizing. There was a bunch of cans of Campbell's soup and beans, refried.

In the bedroom, I heard a pencil drop onto a table.

"Hey," Jesse said.

"Hi," I said, turning around.

He'd entered the living room.

"Campbell's," Jesse said smiling.

"What?" I asked.

"My sister had an attorney by that name."

"First or last?"

"First."

"Oh."

"Um, actually, I was thinkin of goin to the store. I know of this great cupcake place we can go to later, if you want. We could order in, or have dinner here. Or, you know. Not. Whatever you want to do. There's a Broadway show tonight, if you want to go. You want anything at the store?" Jesse informed me.

"Which show?" I asked.

"West Side Story."

"Oh I love that musical!"

"You wanna go?"

"Yeah. And yes, I do want something at the store, since Mark doesn't appear to have much in the way of food."

"Ok."

I gave him my list.

"I may be gone for a few hours, so call if you need," Jesse told me.

"Ok."

He left, locking the door behind him.

I closed the cabinet doors and plopped myself back down in front ofthe tv to resume watching the show.


	78. Chapter 788

_**Brian**_

_After Karen and I talked I went back in the house. I went upstairs and to the bathroom where Karen had told me the girl was. I knocked on the closed door._

_"Hang on," her voice called sounding nervous._

_I waited a few minutes._

_Inside I heard her stand and the doorknob turn._

_"What?" she asked obviously annoyed at having been interrupted._

_"Hey I need to talk to you," I told her._

_"Oh."_

_She opened the door wider so I could come in. I stepped inside the dark room and she closed the door. We sat on the floor._

_"Listen," I said looking at her._

_"What?"_

_"You scared my friend."_

_"Who's your….oh the blonde?"_

_I nodded; "yeah."_

_"Well she shouldn't've come in while I was shooting up."_

_"She's not strong like you. She's fragile."_

_"You think I'm strong? Wow. You're funny. That's the only thing keeping me sane."_

_"Oh."_

_"I'm Amanda, by the way."_

_"Hey, Brian."_


	79. Chapter 79

**Pam**

_When Lela came home from school that day I was sitting in the living room._

_"What no parties today?" she asked the door closing behind her._

_"No and I need to talk to you," I answered._

_"Oh. What about?"_

_"I want you to break up with Ryan."_

_"Why?"_

_"He's…he's been following Karen. Leaving her notes. And hurting me."_

_"i. wow. When?"_

_"To which?"_

_"The second."_

_"Oh. When he thinks you're not here."_

_"Oh god wow um…wow."_

_She sank down onto the sofa._


	80. Chapter 80

_**Alice**_

_Jasper and I were walking through the halls of the new high school. Up ahead I spotted Edward opening a door for his wife Bella and a thin blonde._

_"Edward there you are!" I called._

_"Always the gentleman," Jasper said, referring to the door opening._

_"Yes."_

_We caught up with Edward._

_"Hi," I said._

_"Hello. Alice, Jasper," he retuend._

_He followed myself and Jasper into the classroom. We sat down next to Bella and the blonde._

_"Hi I'm Alice and this is my husband Jasper," I told the blonde._

_"I'm Karen," she returned._

_She looked from me to Jasper; "husband? But you're..."_

_"Young?" I guessed._

_"She nodded."_

_"We don't age the same way you do dear. And so was Audrey Hepburn."_

_"Oh."_

_"Your favorite actress," Jasper reminded me, leaning close._

_"She's a dear."_

_"You've met Audrey Hepburn?"_

_"Oh yes."_

_"Wow."_

_"She's lovely."_

_"So I'd assume."_

_I stared straight ahead, my dark eyes wider than usual. I saw night; a dark figure moving toward Karen's bed. He pulled the covers off her and climbed on top of her._


	81. Chapter 81

_**Karen**_

_"Cmon, onto the scale," my mom said at dinner time that night._

_"But-" I protested._

_"Now."_

_My stepdad grabbed my thin upper arm and lifted me out of the chair. We went into the kitchen with my mom following._

_"On the scale," he said._

_I reluctantly stepped onto the scale._

_"Now strip," he told me._

_I turned to him, shocked; "what?"_

_"I said, strip."_

_"No."_

_He came closer and put his other hand on my other upper arm._

_"You will, strip for me," he said._

_"No."_

_"You've lost 10 pounds, hm," my mom muttered; "go do your homework."_

_"I'm not feeling well.'_

_"It doesn't matter."_

_At which point David came into the room._

_"Karen," was all he had to say._

_I turned to him, stepped off the scale and left._

_Behind me, I heard him and my parents arguing._


End file.
